Posts Tagged ‘Matt Hanses’

Disconnection Has Been Discontinued in CoS – Breaking News!

Breaking-News-from-Interviews-2013Jeremy, I thought you should know that just this month, Church Officials told the New York Daily News (online, here) that they DO NOT push or force (by any means) DISCONNECTION.  In fact, they state on their own website that the Church does not interfere in the private affairs of families and actually encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not!  This was the official statement given in response to OTVIII, Sara Goldberg’s story, told in full here.

Church officials told the Daily News that disconnection is a voluntary practice, and on their website the church says they encourage members to have “excellent” family relationships, whether Scientologist or not.”Any inferences that the Church interfered in the private affairs of this family or any other are categorically untrue,” said Karin Pouw, spokesperson from the Church. “The Church of Scientology declines to debate the meaning or application of the voluntary practices of the religion, with the emphasis on voluntary.”Read more:

Read for yourself what the OFFICIAL STATEMENT is
regarding DISCONNECTION on 
Then let’s dissect this.


The website states: “A Scientologist can have trouble making spiritual progress in his auditing or training if he is connected to someone who is suppressive or who is antagonistic to Scientology or its tenets. All spiritual advancement gained from Scientology may well be lost because one is continually invalidated by an antagonistic person who wants nothing more than to do harm to the person. In order to resolve this situation, one either “handles” the other person’s antagonism with true data about Scientology and the Church or, as a last resort, when all attempts to handle have failed, one “disconnects” from or stops communicating with the person.

Ok, so – Jeremy this says that you will have trouble making spiritual progress in your training or auditing if I am suppressive or antagonistic to Scientology or its tenents —- because, QUOTE  “all spiritual advancement gained from Scientology may well be lost because one is continually invalidated by an antagonistic person who wants nothing more than to do harm to the person”.

Well, I actually agree with the above statement. 

In fact, if I were doing Scientology and I was associating with someone who was making degrading remarks about Scientology around me or to me, and/or invalidating me because of my participation – and after attempts to let them know that I would not continue to associate with them if they didn’t stop such actions towards me, then I would absolutely stop associating with them completely!  Jesus, this is common sense!  I would stop associating with anyone who did this stuff to me regarding any subject.

However, before you disconnected from me, you never once experienced anything remotely close to this from me, your sister, your nanny or Jim.  Not once.  In fact, we let you know that we were fine if you wanted to stay connected and do Scientology.  We let you know that we would just not discuss that subject around you at all.  We told you we’d keep it “good roads, good weather”.  Or don’t you remember?  I remember because I knew it was the only way I would be able to retain my relationship with you!

Continuing here – it says that in order to resolve this situation, one either “handles” the other person’s antagonism with true data about Scientology and the Church or, as a last resort, when all attempts to handle have failed, one “disconnects” from or stops communicating with the person.

Let’s see…..before you completely disconnected with me (and your whole family) not only did I never invalidate you regarding Scientology nor did I talk antagonistic about it, (except for the one day that I sat down with you to let you what we had discovered so that you could understand why we were resigning) – I encouraged you to follow your own path to truth and let you know I would not be antagonistic to you about it.  If you recall, I mentioned that I had an advantage of having been involved for 20+ years and saw things from a different perspective, and you had the right to have your own experience. I hope so much that you remember this.

You never once “attempted to handle my antagonism toward you” or “as a last resort” let me know you would no longer associate with me, because firstly I was not antagonistic toward you or your involvement in Scientology but secondly, you didn’t have that opportunity. You were told that if you didn’t stop all communication and any association with me that you would be THROWN OUT OF THE CHURCH and your own girlfriend, Sarah Coziahr-Powers (now your wife) said she would have to stop associating with you too.  

My very dearest and best friend since grade school had to disconnect from me as well, NOT because I was antagonistic about Scientology toward her but because if she didn’t, her only child (who is on staff at Flag) would be forced to disconnect from her!!  Hideousness.

Talk about misunderstanding your own policies.


The website states:  “As defined by L. Ron Hubbard:

“The term handle most commonly means to smooth out a situation with another person by applying the technology of communication.

“The term disconnection is defined as a self-determined decision made by an individual that he is not going to be connected to another. It is a severing of a communication line.

“The basic principle of ‘handle or disconnect’ exists in any group and ours is no different.

“It is much like trying to deal with a criminal. If he will not handle, the society resorts to the only other solution: It ‘disconnects’ the criminal from the society. In other words, they remove the guy from society and put him in a prison because he won’t handle his problem or otherwise cease to commit criminal acts against others.”

Jeremy, you were never given the information that if your family was not antagonistic toward you with regards to your involvement in Scientology, then you had no reason to disconnect.

In fact, nobody is ever told this.


The website states: “A person who disconnects is simply exercising their right to communicate or not to communicate with a particular person. This is one of the most fundamental rights of Man. For as Mr. Hubbard pointed out:   “If one has the right to communicate, then one must also have the right to not receive communication from another. It is this latter corollary of the right to communicate that gives us our right to privacy.”

Interesting that you
are just now being told this?

Do you feel like you had the right to communicate to me when…..

  • …your sister had her car accident?
  • …on Mother’s Day, almost 3 years in a row, so far?
  • …on my birthday 3 years in a row, so far?
  • …you received the thoughtful and significant birthday gifts?
  • …you received the cute christmas presents for you and Sarah?
  • …your dad was diagnosed with brain cancer?
  • …your dad was dying from brain cancer and had only a couple months to live?
  • …the night he died, and I had to hide in a bedroom so you would at least come to his side?
  • …you didn’t come to your dad’s funeral because your “suppressive” family would be there?
  • …you couldn’t invite one single member of your blood family to your wedding?
  • …your grandma (nanny) was in the hospital for a week, after a stroke?

Honestly, I’m sure you were NOT told you had a right to choose to communicate or not to communicate (without serious ramification from the Church or Sarah Coziahr-Powers).  I’m sure you had no choice.

I’m sure of that because you told your dad’s mom, right after your dad died, when she asked you if “there was anything you wanted to tell your mom and your sister”, and you told her to tell us that, QUOTE, “tell them that I love them”!


The website states: “There is no policy in Scientology that requires Church members to disconnect from anyone, let alone family and friends who simply have different beliefs. To the contrary, the moral code of Scientology mandates that Scientologists respect the religious beliefs of others. The Church encourages excellent family relationships, Scientologists or not, and family relations routinely improve with Scientology because the Scientologist learns how to increase communication and resolve any problems that may have previously existed”. 

This is either a complete lie or a chilling play on words,
designed to be “truthful” yet leaving out words that are MOST important here!

The words that you might have missed (because they were not put in there) are –

The website SHOULD have stated:  …unless the friend or family member is in disagreement with Scientology or has ever voiced his disagreement and thereby subsequently was DECLARED SUPPRESSIVE (an evil person) by the Church, because he disagrees with it.

Nice that they left out that part, you know why?  Because literally thousands upon thousands of people (including famous people who tried Scientology and went a different route) have been DECLARED SUPPRESSIVE by the Church.

If you’ll go back up to that first paragraph, they don’t seem to touch on “suppressive”, but only describe the “antagonistic person”.

This is exactly what thousands of folks and the media are talking about!

Thousands upon thousands of folks are openly antagonistic
to this type of forced disconnection because it’s wrong.  

Staff are using LRH’s words loosely to ensure separation from those who disagree with Scientology from those who are part of Scientology.  Period.

If anyone is openly in disagreement with Scientology, for any reason, he will be declared SUPPRESSIVE.

Almost all of the so-called SUPPRESSIVE person declares are done to people who have declared that they no longer want to be part of the Church, or because they wouldn’t disconnect from a loved one who was declared for that same reason, or they “associated” in some fashion with someone who was declared suppressive —- but most interesting here is this is done especially if they have friends or family still “inside”.

Jeremy, this is not really new news.  The Church has been stating this all along, yet still conveniently ignores individual staff members across the planet who misapply the disconnection policies and who are declaring tons of people suppressive and using FORCE and THREATS to keep people under control – due to fear that more will openly declare their disagreements and leave.

Watch this music video, Sara Bareilles song, BRAVE


You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just want to see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave


Jeremy, I love you, miss you and I want you in our life.  I have nothing against you being in Scientology, but as long as you are forced to stay disconnected from me and your family – I will continue to speak out.  Likewise, if Scientology stops abusing the “disconnection policy” I will never breathe another word regarding Scientology, one way or another.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 


A Similar Realization For Me

I Only Want My Family Back

Want to know something?  

I only want my family back.  

I just want to be able to see & talk to my son and be a family again.  

I want his little sister to have her brother back.

That’s all I want.  I will continue to write this blog and stay as public as I feel I need to be until this happens.  The fact that he is FORCED to disconnect from his family is not a real choice.  He’s told he will be damned to hell forever if he doesn’t.  What kind of choice is this?

Once my son is allowed to associate with me again, I really couldn’t care less about this organization or writing a blog about it.  I don’t care who gets involved and I don’t care if Jeremy stays involved, I never have.  It is his path, and I believe he has the right to his choices.

I have too many other things in my life that bring me happiness and no interest in “preaching my beliefs” to others.  I have explained it very well in a previous blog post.

But until the day I have my family back together I will continue to let people know that DISCONNECTION is FORCED BY THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY.

It’s real and it’s being practiced in the most ridiculous of ways possible!  Those on the “inside” are actually AFRAID to even be in the same building or look at someone that the church says is “bad”.

Completely ridiculous!

Some time back I read a blog post written by a “new” OT8 (which is the very highest level one can achieve in Scientology).  I agreed with it so much it felt like I had written it! 
Today I’m going to re-posting with the title linked back to his Geir’s blog.  This made me wonder how long it will be for my Jeremy to come through these steps because this is a very common path for MOST people who get involved with Scientology, and is the exact reason it is not expanding.
In fact, a LOT of folks go through the final steps silently because they fear losing friends and family to due to disconnection.  These folks just step away and pretend to be “just fine” – but they are actually SCARED to say they no longer “agree”.  That equates to Scientology CREATES fear.

From Wog to Scientologist and Back to One’s Own Path

Written by Geir Isene – Click on the title to go to his site.

  1. This Scientology thing may be interesting.  But there is a lot of bad press about this. I will give it a try.
  2. Wow!  This communication course really works.  Scientology makes a lot of sense.  The media has got this one wrong.
  3. Scientology really has got the answers!  Hubbard was a genius.  I am a Scientologist.
  4. Everything I have experienced so far is 100% right.  The rest of Scientology must surely also be right
  5. Scientology is the One True Path to Total Freedom, the only hope for Man.
  6. The Church of Scientology is saving Mankind.  David Miscavige is the most dedicated, brilliant leader there is.  I follow Command Intention to the letter.
  7. There is something wrong in the Church that I can’t quite put my finger on.
  8. The Church is not applying Hubbard’s policy correctly.  And there is out-tech.  This is a local phenomenon.
  9. There seem to be global issues with the Church.  It is not expanding even though Miscavige says it is expanding like never before.
  10. Scientology is the Only True Path, but the current management is not on that path.  It has betrayed Hubbard.
  11. I am a dedicated Scientologist, and I can no longer support a suppressive Church.  I’m out!
  12. I am an Independent Scientologist.  I practice my religion outside of the confinement of the CoS.
  13. There sure are lots of diverging viewpoints among independent Scientologists.  But I have my own unassailable trust in Hubbard.
  14. Maybe the insanities in the Church did not start with Miscavige.  Maybe, just maybe some of the problems originated with Hubbard.
  15. Hmm… maybe Hubbard wasn’t right about everything.  Maybe there actually are other valid spiritual paths.
  16. Heck, Hubbard was wrong about a lot of things.  Crap!  My stable data are experiencing an earthquake.
  17. Scientology is a tool like so many tools out there.  It’s got its good and its bad.  I will use whatever works.
  18. I don’t really care one way or the other.  I am on my own path toward my own goals.

Not exactly my journey, but close. Although some flip to the opposite and go from fanatic to anti-fanatic, I see most people go through a similar list to the above. It may serve as a useful prediction.


As I said, most people who get involved in Scientology take this same route right down to step 11 and then just simply “disappear” and stop going around.  They become impossible for Scientology to reach by phone etc.  These folks number in the thousands and if every single one of them would come forward, on a public level, I think it would be tougher for the organization to label all of them as “suppressives”!

Don’t you think there is power in numbers?

But you know it won’t happen because the brainwashing is extremely heavy and a lot of the people who make it to step 11 are still living in fear.  They are afraid of reading anything “negative”.  You would never believe how many of them are actually SCARED to even read anything on the internet about Scientology because they are conditioned to believe that reading “anti-Scientology” anything could actually restimulate their “OT Case” and kill them!

I am not even teasing!  They are told that there are certain things they could run into on the net that could kill them…….it’s so sad because even those who are telling them this, probably BELIEVE it themselves!


Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Things That Are Happening – Here’s the News


Your nephew, Blaine Harmon

Jeremy my son, I miss you wildly!  

I want to hug you, talk to you and share your life with you!  Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner, you and Sarah are cordially invited over!  We are having dinner & gifts Christmas Eve (night) then games and fun!  I can’t even begin to tell you how much it would mean to me for the both of you to come.

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on much, but that certainly doesn’t mean that a lot isn’t going on.  I keep myself busy and happy as a bug-in-a-rug, most the time!

I love life!  I hope you do too.  I hope you’re very happy in what is happening in your life.

How does it feel to be, “Uncle Jeremy”?


Blaine Harmon, your nephew


Ashton Harmon

Blaine, your nephew is getting cuter by the minute!  This little guy has an amazing personality and is actually as much fun to be around as his big brother, Ashton!  Do you even remember being around Ashton?  Well, like it or not, lol, you are Uncle Jeremy.  How does it feel?  How I wish you were part of their lives.  I hope you have others in your life to take the place of your blood family.


Travis and Brittany are doing fantastic.  He is out in Oklahoma still running a hoe in pipeline.  He has said a few times he could get you work out there, all the work you’d ever want, upwards of good money if you’re willing to travel!  Just remember that in case you ever feel the time’s right to return to your family.  We are all here, willing and able to help you.

Brittany is pregnant with their 2nd child and we’re told it will be a boy, destined to arrive on Travis’ birthday!  That has to be exciting!  You should see how happy they are as a family, it just makes my world when they come and bring the kids!  We don’t get to see Ash as often because he is in school and can’t just get out easily.  He is “blow your mind” amazing!  I love him to death and I know you’d be so impressed with him.  He’s a tiny thing, I’d say he probably doesn’t weigh more than 40 lbs.

heather 201


Your sister is doing well.  She is a front desk supervisor in a major (very nice) hotel chain.  She has the cutest cat you’ve ever seen, calls him “Jack”!  He is the sweetest thing.  LOL, makes me think of Saber.  He is still a bit cranky with strangers, but not near as bad as he used to be.  We have a lot of things happening around our BIG house and he has started accepting there are more humans than just Jim and I.


Vince & Heather

Your sister has moved out into her own small loft apartment and has been making it go right since around June this year.  She loves living with her boyfriend, Vince.  Who knows, they might get married one of these days, too.  It would seem that they are doing really well.

Goofy pic of me!

Goofy pic of me!

I’ve been doing well, as I said I’m one of the happiest people I know!  My sadness that surrounds the situation of you shunning us doesn’t consume my life, thank God.

My learning, expanding and enlightenment has continued and I’m in a very good and stable place in my life – ready for anything.  I don’t fear death in the least and I’m completely sure that you and I will have a good chuckle some day on the other side about all this stuff.  Course, I honestly hope we don’t have to wait that long.  I want to have all my family around me, bringing the grandkids over, having Christmas & Thanksgiving traditions that we start with our own family.  That’s what I hope for!


My new massage chair!

I have a new toy at home.  Actually it isn’t really a “toy” but I pretend it is.  This chair is helping me with my back pain.  The back pain is the most frustrating part of my life these days as I just can’t seem to get it to stop hurting and I try to avoid taking pain medication as often as I can.  I will tell you that this chair makes me feel able to move my body after I’ve sat in it for 30 minutes!  You’d love it.  I keep it hidden away because it’s preciously important to me.

We have plenty of room for you and Sarah to come over and have a good time, spend the night and all.  With it being just Nanny, Jim and I, our 4-bedroom house serves as room for company to come and spend the night in a comfortable room.  I changed Heather’s old room into a guest room and used all her 8th art work as the theme!!!  LOL, she had changed the paint on one of the walls and I just went with it.  I didn’t really want to spend a lot on it, just make it comfortable and use the stuff we already had around here.

Here are a few shots I took as I was decorating the two rooms.  We have that “8th Grade Art” room that was Heather’s with a double bed in it, then there’s the “black & white” room with a double bed and decorated now in Beatles stuff (here’s a shot of it while I was still mid decorating) then there’s the twin sized room all done in Coca Cola stuff. It’s cute as hell!  Funniest thing, when Heather moved out we were always getting confused on which room was which when I totally moved all the stuff around, so we did something really funny and put room numbers on the doors in golden fancy writing – and put “restroom” on the bathroom.  The master bedroom has a sign that says “manager”.  We are silly, I know!  So now we refer to the rooms as “201”, “202” and “203”!

PicMonkey Collage

Here’s also a couple shots from our front room and living room.  I have a lot more decorating to do as I make final decisions on how I want the rooms to look.  (God, you know I always take 2-3 years to get something decorated like I want it).  But hey, if you like to play xbox or other type video games, we now have the 42″ LCD in the front room (two bottom right hand pics), tucked away on the wall so anyone who wants to play games can do it while we watch TV in the living room (bottom left pic) on the new 65″ LED!!  Yep, that was mine and Jim’s big gift this year.  I’m completely amazed by how big and real the picture looks.  It makes watching a movie in your living an experience.  I certainly did want the 80″, but that might be a couple years down the road before we upgrade to one that size (when the prices come down).  Just saying I think you’d have a good time coming over.  We keep the two refrigerators stocked and the walk-in pantry has snacks you’d love!

I’d love to share more pictures with you, but I think it could get crazy!  I love photos and have a bunch of them.  Jeremy we’re all doing super well.  Like I said, spiritually & emotionally I’m completely stable and doing awesome.  It seems that I’m also able to manifest just about anything I want in my life – except you!  LOL, I’m still working on that one as we speak.

Time is Ticking

1372226_10151874447339411_232181301_oI never told you how close you came to losing your grandma (Nanny).  On September 27th she had a stroke and spent 4.5 days in the hospital.  This was caused by her uncontrolled high blood pressure that has just never been remedied in all these years.  She has taken many different alternative health routes, auditing through NED and a lot of medications.  I think we might finally have it under control for the first time in years!

We’re thankful she is still with us, because I honestly can’t imagine her dying, believing you absolutely didn’t give a damn about anyone in your family except yourself.  Whether that is true or not, how do you expect her to feel otherwise? As far as that goes, how about Heather?  I’m not as worried about me, but those two!


Nanny being funny!

Here is a more recent picture of her, since coming out of the hospital.  I can tell you that she looks the same, but isn’t quite “the same”.  Her personality has changed, so at this point, you will never have the grandma you used to know.

Jeremy, she pulled out of it this time. There will come a day that she will be leaving us.  I know we believe that will be 20 years from now, but nobody knows how long they have!



* * *

Mike Rinder wrote an article that shows how there is a double standard in Scientology with regards to who is forced to disconnect and who isn’t – that I thought you’d be interested in reading.  It’s a viewpoint for sure, considering you were forced to disconnect from your entire family (as were others) however if you’re a particular celebrity, you don’t have to.  Who is making these rules up, Jeremy?  Mike says, “But I would guess the “Tom Cruise Syndrome” is going to come into play. No action will be taken. It will be treated as a “special circumstance” because it would create a media frenzy and “black PR.”  It’s why no disconnection is enforced for Tom from Kate or Nicole…” Read the whole article below.


* * *

Double Standard, Not Everyone Is Forced to Di$connect!
(Story from Mike Rinder’s site, click here for the original article)

Now that Leah Remini is officially a Special Person (see Tony Ortega’s blog this morning), the big question becomes whether Miscavige is going to attempt to enforce the oft-employed disconnection card with Jennifer Lopez.

Everyone knows JLo and Leah are BFFs. They were hanging at JLo’s party last nite and featured on the People Mag site (and everywhere else).

It is also common knowledge that JLo’s father is a Scientologist.

So, what is the guy who proclaims to be the enforcer of “standard tech” to do? Would eh dare risk trying to force J Lo to choose between her dad and Leah?  She IS after all, connected to an officially declared Special Person and publicly supporting her. That makes her guilty of a “Suppressive Act”.  And thus her father should be getting the same treatment as the peons are subjected to: “Get your daughter to disconnect from the SP or you will be declared guilty of a Suppressive Act and be declared too.”

This EXACT scenario has happened with HUNDREDS of people in just the last year.

But I would guess the “Tom Cruise Syndrome” is going to come into play. No action will be taken. It will be treated as a “special circumstance” because it would create a media frenzy and “black PR.”  It’s why no disconnection is enforced for Tom from Kate or Nicole…

Amazing how the “deeply held religious beliefs” and “upholding of standard tech” melts in the face of media scrutiny. Those lives and families of the “nobodies” that are destroyed mean nothing because they don’t get media attention.

It’s a sickening double standard.

PS: Welcome Leah to the ranks of Special Persons – goldenrod is the new black. :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jeremy do you have to keep your head in video games to escape the reality that you are being denied your family? What in the world are you doing to cope with this?  I guess it was worth it, if the St. Louis Org has now expanded since us four “SPs” were gotten off the lines!


Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 


October 24, 2010 – Three Long Years Since We’ve Seen You

Today marks exactly 3 years since I’ve seen you.
I hope you know that I have never stopped loving you,
no matter how much this shunning hurts me.

We miss you so very much!  Heather has lost both you and her dad and don’t think for one minute that this doesn’t bother her.

I read something the other day on the internet and it’s important enough to share with you.

Your actions are what make you a better person,
not your beliefs …
Your actions define who you really are!

Shunning is really only a cruel form of emotional (and spiritual) control.
Groups practice it because it’s easy to control people with fear.
No one should have to choose between their family and their beliefs!

Continuing to practice this shunning only makes you look bad.  I wish you could see this.  The Church of Scientology is not really growing Jeremy, you’re being lied to in the cruelest way.  Look, it’s been three years since we were declared “evil” how much has your local church grown?

Pete Pegano & Martha Conway
Left Three Years Ago

Did you know that Pete Pegano & Martha Conway – two of your most recent OT 8’s – walked away THREE years ago stating, “can you believe we were in a cult?”

When asked about the L’s and the OT levels, they said it was a scam.  They were finally declared “suppressive people” just this past November, but only after the Church of Scientology could not get them “recovered”.

Think about this.  You were probably told they were “off the rails”, “out-ethics” or other such THOUGHT STOPPERS such as “they have other fish to fry” or my favorite, “they went PTS”.  This is very interesting, given that they had reached the highest spiritual level of Scientology (called Truth Revealed), including the L’s Rundowns — and suddenly they went “off the rails”?

Think my son, use your common sense.  Do you suppose they realized what was really going on and that they had not really achieved what the Church of Scientology promised and that their friends felt the same way?

If you only knew.  I’m sure you just can’t imagine how many OT 8’s leave – then they get declared suppressive.  Why would the result of those hitting OT 8 be a suppressive declare if the tech works?

How does this make logical sense to you, Jeremy?  In your own mind, how does it make sense?  If you can’t make sense of it and need to ask someone in the church to explain it, you’ll get twisted truth, left out time & sequence with pieces of policy that seems to answer it for you – if you don’t think about it.

Why do you get these answers from the church?  Well, here’s one thing LRH says, “If attacked on some vulnerable point by anyone or anything or any organization, always find or manufacture enough threat against them to cause them to sue for peace.”  – L. Ron Hubbard, Hubbard Communications Office Policy Letter, 15 August 1960, Dept. of Govt. Affairs

Jeremy, in the name of Scientology Ethics you’ve seriously hurt those who love you the most.  Sadly you believe that your spiritual freedom depends upon leaving your entire “evil” family behind and somehow this makes sense to you.

Why are you closing your eyes and choosing to just believe what they tell you?  Have you ever heard LRH said, “Look, don’t listen” when it comes to stats?

Statistics – Written by Jefferson Hawkins

WRITTEN IN AUGUST 2009  Click here to read the article on his site.

Well, guess what? The actual statistics of Scientology are not available. You can’t find them anywhere. They are “confidential.”  At events, we are told that there is “unprecedented expansion.” We are smothered with hyperbole: “We are meeting demands for frontline LRH technology every 3 seconds.” “A course completion every 6 minutes.” “A training explosion 50 times greater than anything in history.” And so on. But what does all this mean? A statistic, LRH reminds us, is “a number or amount compared to an earlier number or amount of the same thing.” Used to be, they’d show graphs at events. With actual numbers and dates on them. Not any more.

The (a) recent Freedom Magazine claimed that “Number of individuals completing Dianetics and Scientology counseling and courses doubled in the past two years.” But no actual figures given. “Total number of counseling hours doubled in the past decade.” No figures. “Total number of people newly introduced to Scientology and starting on training or counseling doubled in the past five years.” Also no actual figures.

As I pointed out in another post, here is a sample graph that has “doubled in the last five years.” Yet the stat is crashing. So you can see that such claims are meaningless where you don’t deal in actual figures and actual long term graphs.

Sample Graph

LRH tells us to “look, don’t listen.” Even if you don’t have the actual numbers, you can observe.

Your local org – how many people are in the org? How many on course? How many in Div 6? Are there any more people in the Org than there were 10 years ago? 20 years ago? Or are there less? And don’t think your org is the exception, and “everyone else” is booming.

What about events? Are there more people now at events than there were 10 years ago? You would think that if Scientology had been experiencing “unprecedented expansion” for the last 10 years, they would need bigger and bigger event venues. But the LA Events are still at the Shrine, as they were 20 years ago. And they have trouble filling that. So where is this expansion?

They claim that 9,523 Scientologists live in the Tampa Bay area, along with 1,500 Church staff. Why, then, do they hold events in Ruth Eckerd Hall which, according to its own website, “comfortably seats 2,180 for concerts, recitals, plays and special events.”

The Church claims 8 million, 10 million or even 20 million members (depending on who is talking). Well, where are these people? Count up the number of people active at your org, multiply by the number of orgs (140), and see if you get anywhere close to that number.

According to a direct inquiry to the researchers at ARIS (American Religious Identification Survey), they estimate a  total of 25,000 Scientologists in the US.

According to a former Int Base marketing staff member: “IAS Membership internationally was about 40,000. The event attendance internationally was about 30,000 on a decent event, and had gone as low as 20,000 – 25,000. The “Bodies in the Shop” figure (which is supposed to measure the number of people in orgs that week for service, including Div 6 services) was about 16,000 internationally. These figures are four years old. My own estimate of the number of Scientologists internationally, based on these and other figures I knew of at the Int Base, is under 40,000.”

According to an article by David Miscavige’s former #2, Marty Rathbun, “Since securing his position of power, the statistics of Scientology have steadily decreased in spite of Miscavige’s public proclamations to the contrary.”

In the recent 80-page Freedom Magazine put out by David Miscavige, they claimed “8,071 Scientology Churches, Missions and groups”

I wrote another post about my examination of this information, but I’ll repeat the information here as well.

I got curious as to where all these “Churches, Missions and groups” are.  You might have noticed that the Church no longer lists Org addresses in the back of the books. They used to list all Org and Mission addresses, but they stopped doing that. They just refer you to their website, with its nifty Scientology Org and Mission locator. You cannot find a complete org and mission list on the website, just this locator. So, in order to find out how many Orgs and Missions there are, you have to spend hours going through the locator, country by country.

Which I did.

Here’s my count: 140 Orgs, 342 Missions. I don’t vouch for its complete accuracy, but it’s pretty close. That’s a far cry from 8,071. Here’s what the breakdown looks like:


I went back and checked my copy of What is Scientology, from 1998, which dates from a time when they still published org and missions address lists. The count, from that list, is 143 Orgs, 230 Missions. So the number or Orgs is virtually the same. Sure, there have been a few new Orgs: Harlem,  CC Nashville. But there have also been Orgs that have quietly disappeared: CC Portland, Copenhagen Org, Puerto Rico (downgraded to a Mission). So no real expansion there.

Missions have apparently increased by 112.  Okay, fair enough, but nowhere near 8,000. And missions, as one reader pointed out, are nothing like they used to be. Missions used to have 25 or 30 staff or more, rivaling the size of Orgs. Today’s missions are likely to be a couple of guys in a house, open maybe a few nights a week.

The Freedom Magazine tells us: “In just the last five years, the Church has literally doubled in size, from 4,000 Churches, Missions and groups in 2004 to over 8,000 in 2009 in 165 nations, doubled since 2004.”

So it’s a bit, shall we say, misleading, to talk about an expansion of “Orgs, Missions and Groups.” The claimed expansion has been, other than 112 Missions added in the last 10 years, entirelygroups. Over 7,500 of them.  Well, a legitimate question is, where are they?

I spent some time on the internet looking for them. A search for “Scientology Group” and “Dianetics Group” didn’t find anything (although I found a lot of Freezone groups). I spent some time with Google Maps, searching for any addresses connected to Dianetics or Scientology. I only got Orgs and Missions. I searched for any blogs connected to Scientology groups. Well, I couldn’t find them. One would think that if there were 7,500 Dianetics or Scientology groups, they would actually show up somewhere.

If they exist.

The bottom line is, where is all this “expansion” that management talks about? Where are these millions of Scientologists and thousands of groups? Why can’t we see them? Why isn’t event attendance in the hundreds of thousands? Why aren’t orgs full of people?  Maybe you can’t see all that expansion because it doesn’t exist. And maybe, just maybe, behind the glitter and façade and brags, Scientology is actually getting smaller under current management.

So when it comes to reviewing the statistics of David Miscavige’s Brave New Scientology, don’t just accept the PR. Look, don’t listen. Examine, probe, fact-check.

So have another look at that Doubt Formula.

Maybe today’s Brave New Scientology is not a group you want to be part of.


I’m so sorry Jeremy.  Your life is being twisted by one of the ugliest of lies on this planet.  The only thing really growing in Scientology are those who are waking up to the lies, deception and massive pain that has been caused to thousands of families across the planet and are leaving in droves.

“It is you who choose your future, it is you who holds firmly to your goals or lets them slip. . . .

. . .“When all is said it is you who will be with yourself at the end.

“And it is you who will ask yourself, did I do right or did I do wrong?

“And the state you find yourself in will be the answer.” – LRH

“THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them.” — – L. Ron Hubbard, “Off the Time Track,” lecture of June 1952, excerpted in JOURNAL OF SCIENTOLOGY issue 18-G, reprinted in TECHNICAL VOLUMES OF DIANETICS & SCIENTOLOGY, vol. 1, p. 418



Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 


All quotations of copyrighted material herein fall within Fair Use guidelines.
Note: The Scientology organization is commonly referred to as the Church of Scientology.  The reader should be aware that, in reality, global Scientology is a complex international legal structure of multiple corporations, some of which are nonprofit and some of which are not.
The terms “Scientology” and “Dianetics” are trademarks and service marks owned by Religious Technology Center (RTC), Los Angeles, California, USA. For a detailed explanation of Scientology’s copyrights, trademarks, and other legal issues involving the names and symbols used by the organizations collectively known as “Scientology” and “Dianetics,” see the Trademark Section of the Official Scientology Web Site.

AFFORDABLE Insurance Available for Jeremy

Hi Jeremy!!  I haven’t written in a long while, but it certainly doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking of you.

First and foremost on my mind is this new healthcare law.  I understand you’re required to carry health insurance and if you don’t have it then you can be charged a fairly substantial penalty, which seems affordable this first year but get’s completely un-affordable the subsequent years.

I want you to know that you can EASILY be added to my insurance here at work and it would only cost you about $100 a month.  Of course, we’d have to speak to each other in order to accomplish this!

—– I believe your dictating authority would realize it might be the “greatest good for the greatest number of your dynamics” to do this.

Jeremy, please soon realize that you are NOT in violation of L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology policies if you happen to look at me (see me), speak to me when necessary/of importance or otherwise acknowledge my existence — that you pretend I’m dead happens to be a HUGE MU (misunderstood word) that’s prevalent within the confines of your religion.  It’s also the single biggest thing that Scientologists are doing (against LRH’s better judgement) that is massively harming public opinion of Scientology.   

With that said, I know that you’re NOT ALLOWED to “associate” with me, as I’m branded as evil, so you couldn’t hang out, come for Christmas, birthdays or BBQ’s (funerals are not included in this).  However, in all fairness and on that note, do a little research online and you’ll find that the Church of Scientology continues to claim that they do not practice disconnection……meaning you don’t really have to disconnect.

I dreamed of you so vividly last night.  I was able to hug you big when you came through my front door.  It was weird because I could tell you thought it was wrong.

What in the hell has this Earth come to?  Where is true humanity?

I will write later about how we almost lost Nanny recently.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Erry “Ghost Town” Orgs on West Coast

Jeremy, today I read something that I felt I needed to share with you & Sarah.  I know this news will come to a surprise to you guys because you’re not being told these things, in fact, it’s likely you’re being told just the opposite!

This is a report of the real condition of the orgs on the west coast (Bay area) from someone who is secretly out, below the radar – so to say – so he can still go inside the orgs.

Jeremy & Sarah the west coast orgs are complete ghost towns where veteran Scientologists are leaving in droves!

A lot of them are too afraid to say they are disconnected from the CoS, but a big handful have come out openly.

The net effect is that the orgs are literally emptying and only a small handful of the “same old folks” and a few new folks coming in for intro services (and leaving just as fast) are all that are there.  Does this sound similar to how it’s been in STL for years?

The following article was an email received telling what the actual scene is in the area – which gives a lot of detail, originally posted on Mike Rinder’s blog (please click on his name to find out the full credentials of this 30-year Scientology veteran, coming from “up lines” in the most senior echelon, International Management).    The actual post is here,

I was completely blown away

by the some of the information:

“There is an Underground Railroad spanning the entire country.  When Freewinds ship handlers arrived in major metropolitan cities like Denver, Chicago, LA, SF Bay Area, etc., they have addressed Debbie Cook’s testimony on the stand with “people lie on the stand all the time.” In being questioned about how you and Marty could turn into overnight SPs after 30 plus years of staff and auditing by the best of the best auditors. The answer was that you, Debbie, Marty and the rest were plants. This was said with a straight face after they had to take your golden rods out of a locked safe.”


At what point does Scientology work?

Jeremy, that is complete absurdity.   Let’s examine this for a second and assume that it’s true.   Here we go, Marty Rathbun, Debbie Cook AND Mike Rinder were all 30+ year plants in the orgs to undermine Scientology.  First of all, who planted them, the government or psychiatry?  Second of all, who was stupid enough to let all three of them into the most senior stata of the CoS and leave them there for 30+ years?   –  Jeremy, I beg you to consider my biggest question – at what point does Scientology start to work?  When does it work for the orgs and staff?   Would you be expected to just ignore this one tiny little OUT-point even though Scientology ” has the tech of life”, the complete SP tech, the evaluator’s data course (which trains one to find the correct reason, or cause of something going wrong or not working right).  Talk about an “out-point”!  Perhaps they should have told you that your family were aliens from some other planet and it was recently discovered on the e-meter! Why not?  It sounds as plausible as the above cooked up response!

What did Matt Hanses say that allowed you to close the case on the oddity that overnight your mother, grandmother, sister and step-father all became suppressive people?  Did someone convince you that it was an ethics action and not that we are “actual SPs”?  In that case, did you question why LRH’s ethics tech of gradient ethics actions were not used, per HCO PL ETHICS REVIEW?    I’ve even heard it said that “well, they resigned and so we are no longer obliged to apply LRH tech to them”.  Hilarious.  This is especially hilarious since that particular tech is also supposedly being used in NON Scientology businesses (I don’t actually believe this) and that it is said that this tech applied to the “world at large”. Read the policies and you’ll see how absurd this is.  Darn, I’m ranting again, sorry……


Here is the full article,
and I recommend you read it
because you’re being lied to
about the expansion of CoS,
there is NO expansion at all,


scientology-san-franciscoDear Mike,

I wanted to give you an update on the Bay Area Scientology scene. As you know there are San Fransisco, Stevens Creek, Los Gatos and Mountain View orgs in this fifty mile area. Recently included to the grouping of the Bay Area orgs is Sacramento — about one hundred miles from most of the Bay Area. All Bay Area orgs sit empty. Just to be clear, there are probably half a dozen veteran public that appear for course once a week to keep their PR in.

It’s a sad state of affairs that while each org sits empty of public, some of the most well-intended (and misguided) staff you ever care to meet continue to hope for a better day when the miracle program from uplines will flood the orgs with public. It’s a hurry up and wait mentality. All faith based.

Awokened public are staying away. In fact, at this point many public Scientologists are refusing, albeit under the radar, to disconnect from the declared and the “not in good standing”.

The situation with disillusionment on the part of the public has not only grown but also changed dramatically in the past two years. At first those public that openly left or walked away were looked down on. Now they are sought and welcomed. The sec checks, rollbacks, loyalty checks and metered interviews left public feeling violated and spiritually raped. Following Debbie Cook’s letter, Leah Remini’s recent defection has given some public the confidence to reestablish and mend broken fences with friends and family who’ve been vilified by the church ‘s MAAs and local DSAs for refusing to participate or for questioning church management.

The local DSAs have voiced to their closest confidantes that they do not know what to do with the growing disaffection and media onslaught. The dead agent packs are so vile and hateful that they backfire on these DSAs when they show them to public. Though in many cases the DSAs don’t know it. Public smile and act handled. Then disappear. Public are aware that OSA is now specializing in the vilification of their own public and former staff. Public know that their auditing information can be used against them.

My spouse and I recently had lunch with a woman who had been vilified to us by the DSAs and the “Mike Smiths”. When we met with her we were surprised because she looked so good. I suppose we expected her to look bad or devastated after everything we’d heard. Instead we saw a successful and healthy woman proud of her family, loving life and involved in her community.

In contrast, one of the DSAs was extremely ill for a while and another one is so overweight we’re concerned he could have a heart attack. Another DSA has been dealing with divorce and financial woes. The DSAs look slovenly and unwell. They were once well regarded people, so it’s hard to watch them decay before our eyes.

This is Lori (Leake) Hodgson territory. Many of us had children in her school. We know her as a hardworking Mom. No one here wants to experience what she has had to. There isn’t one person we know who condones what the church has done to the minds of her children. We can only think that what these DSAs have done to Lori and to their public is making them unwell and unhappy.

Let me tell you about an incident that helped turn the tide here with some key public.  An OT Committee chairman, who runs a real estate firm took it upon himself to research the value of homes belonging to public Scientologists. He cross referenced his research against mortgages on the homes then told the public Scientologists how much they were each to donate based on percentages of these assets. One particular Jewish Scientologist took such offense to this that he figured out how to get out of Dodge. This public Scientologist’s home is valued at over five million-dollars. He’s moving his family, with his wife who is a new OT8, to where there are no orgs.

It is believed by many veteran public Scientologists locally that the class five orgs are shells for the IAS. The staff are paid more from the net commissions for IAS payments made by their public than from the delivery of auditing and training, as there is very little auditing and training occurring in the Bay Area, mostly Basics, Purifs, TR and Objectives co-audits. The org auditors who were trained at Flag for GAT 2 grades are not allowed to deliver the “new” grades until GAT 2 is officially released, even though the orgs sent these GAT 2 auditors for training over two years ago. Local public Scientologists are urged to do their grades at Flag, leaving their Ideal orgs to live off the minute income from the sales of Basics courses, TRs and Objectives and Purifs. Meeting monthly phone bill and gas and electric payments is the Hill 10 of the day for these Ideal Org EDs.

The EDs look haggard and beaten. The very last of the influential Scientologists left are on course or on staff hiding out in what’s left of the missions. There are less than a handful of missions left. The Campbell mission opened in the San Jose area then closed almost as soon as it opened (I heard it was closed shortly after Gold filmed the grand opening for an Int event). Another mission in San Jose has the facade of being opened for business but nothing is going on. It was also opened in time to make a Gold video for an international event. It looks like a garage. It sits empty and uncreated, opened by a few ethics bait second generation Scientologists.

Most of the local orgs can’t get more than twenty public to arrive for regular events or IAS briefings. We have all attended the (re)grand opening of the Ideal Orgs and, with a few exceptions, it’s the same recycled public at each (re)grand opening.

There are many more Scientologists talking about yours and Tony’s blog than there are public on lines, and even those on lines public are reading the blogs, connected to the declared and “not in good standing”, and are simply playing along for fear of disconnection. The disaffected public that ethics officers or OSA handled over the past few years are now immutably and permanently disaffected. They feel betrayed by the lies and manipulations of their “ethics” handlings. In most of these cycles these public were manipulated to believe they were full of OWs and Suppressive Acts as the cause of their issues with the church. They were gotten to turn in their friends to OSA which they now feel degraded about. I just heard about a highly trained field auditor who was handled for being disaffected and made to turn in his computers containing communications with other disaffected Scientologists.

There is an Underground Railroad spanning the entire country. When Freewinds ship handlers arrived in major metropolitan cities like Denver, Chicago, LA, SF Bay Area, etc., they have addressed Debbie Cook’s testimony on the stand with “people lie on the stand all the time.” In being questioned about how you and Marty could turn into overnight SPs after 30 plus years of staff and auditing by the best of the best auditors. The answer was that you, Debbie, Marty and the rest were plants. This was said with a straight face after they had to take your golden rods out of a locked safe.

Scientology is irrelevant in the Bay Area.

I could safely guess that about half the public are praying for the incessant demands to end.

The other half are trying to predict when the church will fall.


Jeremy & Sarah, you’re both beautiful big beings

You both have the ability to exercise your free-will and have independent thoughts.  You were taught by CoS to be self-determined and you have inalienable rights to your own path in life and to speak to whoever you want.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog. please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Why Didn’t I Just Quietly Walk Away?

I’ve been asked by people why I didn’t just quietly walk away!

This question has been repeated to me, but most notably, when I was saying goodbye to my good friends, Doug & Barb Carr, who called to try to help one last time to handle my “upset with Scientology” while they earnestly pleaded with us to go to Nashville and fight the SP declare.  On a side note, those two people were the most dignified Scientologist “friends” we had.  They proved to be more real than any other because they talked to us, they wanted to help handle us if they could, they asked us what in the world was going on – they truly cared, they acted as a true friend would act when finding out they would never be allowed to associate with us again.  Sadly, this was quite different from every other friend we had, including John & Sharon Lyman (who were our very closest friends) who never spoke another word to us, not even to say farewell or ask us why we lost our minds!  Another one of my dear friends (wasn’t I wrong about this!) was Jill Casto, who never spoke another word to me, likewise never asked a single question for clarification – nothing – as if I had some contagious disease that she would catch if she called to say goodbye, farewell or at least ask if I had lost my mind!  There are only a handful of people I felt really close to and erroneously believed were my friend.  Doug & Barb Carr were friends, plain and simple, they cared.

Sorry, I seemed to have went off track there, but I thought it worth mentioning.

“Why didn’t your mom just quietly walk away”?  

Jeremy, I’m sure you’ve even been given this same “logic” so it makes sense that your entire family are now evil beings, better known to you as SPs.  I’m sure you’ve been told that I could have just slipped away quietly, like Sarah Coziahr’s mom (Cathy Crist) did….poof and it’s all over, just stop going back in, never breathe a negative opinion and it’s done. Right?  Well, our situation was not so simple.

Before I made the decision to resign, I spent several sleepless nights trying to figure out how I could just quietly walk away and get your 15-year-old sister off staff at the same time.  There was zero possibility that I was willing to let Heather stay on staff after everything she had endured while trying to be on staff, “saving the planet” over those past 2 years.

What she had been enduring was unbelievable and mind-blowing  in and of itself.  Ironically it was because of everything I witnessed happening to her (and one other person I knew) that I even could begin to believe the stuff we were finding out and it was why we decided to research further.  Nope, there was no way I would leave her in the mess that was breaking her down and causing her to think so little of herself.

Heather was being emotionally abused, invalidated and evaluated for and as time went on it was getting worse wherein she began to introvert, come home crying, she was never well rested for school or staff anymore and she was made to feel like it was her fault and she was being told she was “not a big being”.  During her two years on staff she was often very sick – and that little girl tried so hard to “make it go right”.  Bless her heart, she honestly believed she was saving the planet and there was no other thing she should be doing, all the while being ridiculed and told she was out-ethics and made to feel stupid.  Notable is that she has only been sick about 3 times in the last 3 years……so it’s quite obvious where she was being suppressed!

Our decision to leave was completely thought out, thoroughly researched and we had zero doubt left in our minds!  All we really wanted to do was to just slip into the sunset and that be that.

However, in order for Heather to leave staff and not freak out on the idea, it was necessary to show her what we had found and tell her how we had come to our decision to no longer associate with the Church of Scientology (after 22 years).  We showed her evidence that this 21st century Church of Scientology was completely off-source and off the rails.  At the time she was so immersed that she needed to completely understand why we would resign and it also really helped her make sense of the ridiculous things that she had been going through while trying to be a “big being and not a kid”.

There was no other way around but to tell her, because I couldn’t leave her connected as a staff member any longer – I felt it was harming her.

Now let’s look at how I might have handled it otherwise.  Keep in mind that during the time of our researching and soul-searching we were not coming to events or being part of things – for a couple months at least – and Heather was convinced we were badly out-ethics, off the rails and needed handling.

Scenario One:  If I would have just told Heather the situation and the reasons we were resigning and had her just quit staff on an immediate basis without any of us coming out with it, it was certain that Matt Hanses would have had her declared for blowing staff.   After all, it was mainly Matt who was telling Heather how inadequate she was and making her feel like a lowly person in the first place.  I have no doubt he would have drawn up SP declare papers on her because he had already been writing invalidating and evaluating reports on her.  He was a kid himself who was power-hungry and operated on a reality he grew up with, being a second generation Scientologist.  This scenario would not have worked because then the rest of the family would have been forced to disconnect from her!

Scenario Two:  If we would have just told Heather the situation and let her know that we wanted her to route off staff “standardly”, it would have come up in her “leaving staff confessional” and we would be back to the same situation.  She never would have agreed to leave staff without fully understanding our reasons either because she had previously been convinced by sea org members that we were totally off the rails as parents and human beings and nothing short of showing her would have worked.

ADDITIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES:  I have not even mentioned your grandmother.  She was on staff too and she was so proud that Heather was a staff member.  How in the world could I get Heather off staff in either of the above two ways without Nanny blowing up on us?  It was impossible to leave her out of the equation and not tell her the truth too.  But really, I’ve never been great at lying and deception and this is just another one of those times in my life where I felt the truth would work better than any type of dancing around it.  I am not covert about much of anything.

So after very careful consideration I chose the only route I knew to resign and get my teen daughter off staff and out of that environment.

Remember I told you Heather’s “joining the Sea Org” cycle was what started my doubt?

Well, after she finally got back from that long drawn out ordeal of complete crap, she was targeted by Kevin Forney, Matt Hanses and even Stephen Levine (from LA) — they all wrote reports on her saying she was blown and was lying and it got really ugly for awhile.  Before Heather completely introverted and lost her mind, I decided to get involved.  I drew up some talking points and set an appointment with Kevin (the ethics officer at the time) and Matt (Kevin’s senior) to clear Heather’s good name.  I found what I wrote up that day, saved on my computer, and have included it below.

MEETING POINTS from January 18, 2010: (points I have added today are in red lettering)

From my prospective, being on the outside looking at the whole scene, the situation with Heather reminds me of one of those TV sitcoms where the whole show is based on a bunch of misunderstandings involving assumption, hearsay and partial information – and a situation just keeps building with both sides thinking a different thing.  Bottom line, in light of everything that has happened, I feel it necessary to have a meeting with you and Kevin before this thing goes one step further.

  1. Even though Heather was only 15 years old and trying to go to public school, Matt Hanses got Heather’s agreement to go to a full-time schedule in order to put her in HCO.  Heather agreed to it and begged me to agree.  I agreed based on a trial to see if it would honestly work over the long haul.  Basically the issues were rides.  Heather was getting to bed way too late to go to school.  Having to get up by 6:30 AM and her ruds were completey OUT (this is the term used to say she was lacking in sleep and easily on edge, making mistakes and grumpy)  and she was getting sick too often.  There was no time for homework etc etc.   I told Heather she just could not do this schedule because of this.  I demanded that Heather request approval for a schedule change because it was creating a danger condition.  Matt later (accused) thought Heather had just covertly changed her mind after agreeing with him.  Heather just doesn’t have the wherewithal currently.  No car and school needs.  (no further details here).
  2. When Heather came back from the SO the first time, she had full okay to be back on staff and did not lie about her status, nor did she twist truth about her status. (full details below).


  • First time Heather went to Flag was a messed up deal.  Jim and I know Heather better than anyone who doesn’t live with her.  We refused to let her go, was cussed at and threatened by the Sr. Dir I&R PAC that he would be issuing a full HCO investigation into both Jim and I (said he was faxing it into the local org) and it was a horrible experience.  We were told that Heather was a thetan and we were not really her parents, but just a role we play in this life and she had rights to do what she wanted.  He told us we were stopping Scientology’s expansion by blocking her from doing the most ethical thing on the planet – and he would investigate us and find out why.  He was literally screaming this at us on the phone.  It seriously felt like we were being threatened to give our daughter to them.
  • When that scene exploded and I was crying and extremely upset, somehow Allan came about calling me from Flag that same evening.  He introduced himself as a veteran Sea Org member of 40 years, OT7 and told me he had handled the Sr. Dir I&R in LA and cancelled all ethics actions.  He listened to me, handled my objections and I agreed to let her go (by this point Heather was convinced Jim and I were just completely out-ethics anyway because we were refusing her to go and save the planet  — Allan assured me that he fully understood that my biggest worry was that she would not last and she would end up an “XSO” and not be eligible to be on staff at this very early age.
  • Allan promised me that she would have to completely complete the EPF and then go before a Fitness Board who would grant her the “OKAY” to go into the SO (and again, she would be consulted as to her desire to be SO).  He said only at this point would Heather become an SO member.
  • So, we finally agreed to let her go and of course they wisked her away so that she could arrive before Thursday at two for their stats.  Heather went to Flag to join the SO and literally within the first week she originated to me that she wanted to come back to staff at the our local org.  I told her to put it on the proper lines and get it handled.  I made several phone calls to try to give input to help them in handling her.
  • Bottom line was that her sleep ruds were out from day one and never went back in.  Knowing Heather, she “checks out” when her sleep is out.
  • Time went on and it didn’t seem she was being routed or handled.  I checked in with her as often as I could to find out exactly what was being done to handle her origination.  Finally we were down to the wire where she had to come home by a certain date so that she could go back to school on time.
  • Allan arranged for me to speak to Torin (the EPF MAA).  We had a very long conversation about Heather wanting to leave the SO.  I let him know I thought she could be handled to stay, but if she wasn’t handled, here are the details of when she needed to be home in order to start High School on time, and she would also be back to attend Irving’s memorial (Irving Ward, who had been the St. Louis Org’s Qual Sec had just died of cancer).  After a long conversation, he told me to go ahead and buy the plane ticket for that certain date.  I later found out that Stephen Levine reportedly was told by somebody at Flag (possibly Frank Feeny) that Heather said she was leaving on LOA to attend a funeral. – however this is conflicting and hearsay, as I spoke directly with the MAA handling Heather’s cycle.
  • When the date arrived for Heather to fly, Torin arranged her ride to the airport and gave her personal effect (SS card & birth certificate) to her and wished her well.  I spoke to Allan and he was happy that Heather was going to still be able to be a staff member.
  • When Heather got home, we got her enrolled for High School and had it all arranged for her to start that same week, however we discovered that there was an APS online HS Heather could do from home and ultimately we enrolled Heather in it so that she could keep up with school and staff easier.
  • Heather went back to staff and all should have been well.
  • However, Salena Mikos (Knobs) and Kevin Forney were requiring Heather to have something in writing from Flag stating she had okay to be back on staff.  This was a flap that shouldn’t have been as I’m told SO policy is very specific with regards to when a person is considered an SO member and reading that policy would have handled the questions.  Even though this was dev-T, Heather still tried to reach Torin.  The first call she spoke with him and told him the complete scenario and what she needed and he told her he would call her back in an hour.  When he didn’t call back she tried again to reach him over the next few weeks by phone 30 times, left 8 messages, sent an email and even sent a written comm through the mailpack.  There was never anymore comm from him.
  • Then a KR came to the org from Stephen Levine (who was the one originally recruiting Heather to Flag) about a month after Heather returned, accusing her of being a blown SO member, which just caused more confusion on Heather’s cycle.
  • Stephen accused Heather of telling Flag that she was just taking an LOA and just never went back, but instead joined staff again.  This was factually not true.  From what I can tell, that whole cycle was finally dropped.
  • Then Davey Burk from PAC called Heather trying to recruit her to be Amber Fish’s full replacement from the org so that she (Amber) could go to SO.  However, within about 30 mins on that call, he started recruiting Heather for SO again.  When him and Stephen Levine and another person failed to get much agreement from Heather, they pulled in Bella (a brand new Flag recruiter who Heather had been with in the EPF the first time) and she talked Heather into just coming back to Flag for a few days to do a clean up, handle ARCXs (her upsets) etc.  Heather agreed to this and Allan called me to handle me on letting her go JUST for a weekend it.
  • I spoke to Allan again.  First of all, why all the rumors that Heather is blown?  He said that the WUS Sea Org operates differently than Flag, wherein they considered a person an SO member as soon as they start the EPF, and Flag doesn’t.  Furthermore, he said she would be flown down there get all cleaned up and flown back within 4 days.  He said it would complete the cycle and of course they hoped Heather would change her mind and want to come back to the SO.
  • During Heather’s trip, which turned out to actually be NOTHING more than a heavy recruitment trip – using condition formulas, insinuated posts and a lot of ARC – Heather decided it probably was the greatest good for the greatest number to go back.  She came back, told me that she really didn’t want to go back but she felt it was the most ethical thing she could be doing.
  • She was agreeable to me that she would complete schooling here first.  Allan talked me out of it because that was too far away, insinuating that really bad things were just on the horizon and time was of the most importance!  We all agreed she would go that first week of January instead of right away though, because she needed to have medical handlings and some specific schooling actions complete first.
  • Heather refused to just up and leave without getting her post covered at the org, which was not going anywhere.  (which is usual)
  • Allan spent a long time on the phone with us, on 3 occasions letting us know how vital this was that she just get there.  When post replacement was brought up, Allan told me he was going to send a telex in to the org stating that Heather was really still an SO and was recalling her. (him willing to tell that lie should have been a big red flag to me, but no, I just felt some lies were important when it came to saving a planet!)
  • Before Allan did this, he explained to me that since there is a discrepancy with regards to when WUS considers one an SO member and when Flag considers one an SO member – he was going to use that confusion to his advantage to get Heather back out there right away and not have to stay to get a replacement.  Heather and I disagreed with doing it like this a few times and he finally convinced us that “this was absolutely the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics that Heather get there….this planet doesn’t have much time and orders are coming down from COB regarding this whole evolution”.
  • When we weren’t moving on the cycle to get Heather back to Flag, Bella called in and said there was a flap involving her because they had reported her as a product earlier and now COB had asked specifically about “Heather Powers”.  Heather felt flattered and obligatory to this cycle now, even though I told her it was probably different than what she was told. (I flat out knew it was a lie, but couldn’t bear to tell Heather that OTs would be lying to her!)
  • Allan promised if Heather would come right away, he would ensure she was flown home for the week of Christmas to handle any loose ends.  He also promised that Flag doctors would handle Heather’s medical tests out there.  (Ultimately that also flapped and Heather had to pay for it on her own). (LIES LIES LIES)
  • Heather went out there and again…….literally before the end of the 3rd week she originated she wanted to go back to staff in STL.
  • Tons of knowledge reports were written about this and very little was truth, but hearsay.  Heather went really down tone and was told to knock off the “case on post” and stop dramatizing her “case” – so she put on a fake happy smile and went about her days doing as she was told and finally she was confronted by the Sr HAS and told she was nothing more than a fake and totally 1.1 – This introverted Heather very badly as she was told no case, then told she was fake when she tried to be “happy”.  A spin bin.
  • Heather was actually punished for wanting to go home by being told she had to stay in her room on Christmas day and made to stay up very late on Christmas Eve cleaning the kitchen.
  • After originating wanting to leave and finally coming back, 6 weeks had gone by where Heather was not handled except for people trying to get her agreement to stay by showing films, policy, talking, etc.
  • The only reason Heather made it out of there and back to the local org was because in the end, Claire Feeney submitted a petition to have Heather be allowed to return to staff…and it was approved based on the fact that Heather had not made it into the SO this time either as her Fitness Board had been disapproved.  (Likely disapproved because of Heather’s origination to leave occurred before it had gone completely through the lines for approval).


By the time I got my Heather back she was a sad and scared little girl who clung to me.  She was introverted because of being told if she smiled and acted happy she was a fake, while also being told to stop dramatizing when she revealed how she was really feeling.  She was freaking out because she was told she was just 1.1 (a very bad thing to be!).  Her security in Scientology had been shattered by the two-faced actions she had witnessed along with deception from people she at first thought were stellar and highly respected people.  After all, “Clears” and “OTs” are supposed to be eons above normal people.

Things only got worse for her in the org on staff because it was demanded that she maintain a full, 40 hour per week schedule (even though she was only 15 years old) and she had to maintain her High School studies around that time.  It was a mess of Knowledge Reports and accusations from those who knew nothing of her accomplishments or arrangements.  I was infuriated by the whole scene and Heather was just getting sicker and sicker.  She ended up with MONO and on one occasion she completely lost her voice for a week!  Matt Hanses tried to make her the Director of  Communications while keeping her at the front desk answering phones and greeting people (while trying to convince her that answering the phones was really the job of the Dir of Comm!  Then she was shot for stats not being up or not having enough copy paper.  Oh my gawd, I could go on and on here.

It really all just came down to

I was not willing

to have my Heather

subjected to such bullshit.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,
Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

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