Wow, I haven’t written much lately, but that has absolutely nothing to do with how often I think of Jeremy, which is a daily thing. The good news (or maybe it isn’t so good, shrug) is that I no longer have nightly dreams of Jeremy coming to see me and giving me hugs and love.
This weekend I attended the wedding of an old friend, Chris Hays. Chris and Amanda’s wedding was beautiful yet I experienced enormous sadness remembering that I had been left out of Jeremy’s & Sarah’s wedding in February. It’s horrible that my Jeremy had none of his family at his own wedding, so his wedding portraits will all be void of any family members and even his own mother – regardless of how much I love him.
Anyway, there was a boy about Jeremy’s age in attendance at this wedding yesterday who resembled my Jeremy so much I couldn’t stop staring at him! He sat in my direct view of watching the wedding and I found myself unable to keep my eyes off him. It was beginning to be awkward when he would look my direction and I was always looking at him, little did he know how fascinated I was with just watching him. There I was, watching all his mannerisms and could swear I was looking at my son. I felt so much sadness. I just wanted to go hug this boy yet I knew I couldn’t do that – good grief – it would just be weird for him! LOL. I felt the disconnection pain even more because it was than pain of wanting to hug my son and can’t – even if it’s just a stranger who looks like him.
I observed this young man, and even though I don’t know a thing about him, he seemed to carry that same “troubled soul” that Jeremy always had. You can’t imagine how badly I wanted to take him under my wing and have a chance to make a difference in his life.
I did end up speaking to him and showed him photos of Jeremy and he also saw the uncanny resemblance. I told him about Scientology’s disconnection and that Jeremy now shuns me – later I told him I would adopt him if he needed another family and had a bit of conversation with him. Bless his heart, overall I think I just creeped him out and he just thought I was super strange.
I now feel a bit obsessive about wishing there could be some type of “adoptive family” relationship created and it is probably not an option because, like I said, I think I freaked him out and he just thinks I’m a weird “old” lady. Sad. I think our family has a lot of love to share and I also think I’m a pretty good mom – even though Jeremy bailed on me.
I wish my Jeremy would wake up.
Jeremy, I love you, miss you and I want you in our life. I have nothing against you being in Scientology, but as long as you are forced to stay disconnected from me and your family – I will continue to speak out. Likewise, if Scientology stops abusing the “disconnection policy” I will never breathe another word regarding Scientology, one way or another.
As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me. I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information. I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me. I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.
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