Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

My Jeremy is Home – to Stay!

281859_10204453774094394_8956179960832412669_n2NOTE:  I wrote this post back a few months ago and I didn’t publish it until now.  I guess there are many reasons, but mostly because my attention was off of it and my life full of sorting out what had happened in our lives over the past 4 years – and sharing the joys (and challenges) of having my family back together again.

Miracles do happen!  On July 3rd, 2014 I hugged my boy again after 3 years and 8 months.    It was an indescribably moment.  The story that follows recounts that unfolding and there is more to come, because Jeremy has things to say as well.

I realize this is old news to my family, close friends and Tony Ortega followers, but I had to put off writing about it until I was at a point where I wasn’t quite as emotional.  Over the last few months I’ve been spending as much time as possible just being with him, trying not to suffocate the poor boy, correction, he’s a 23-year-old young man now.

Honestly, this is a bittersweet “win” because in this situation there is someone else whose heart is broken, and that’s his wife, Sarah.  My heart breaks for her like words can’t describe because I know she was crazy in love with Jeremy.

On July 17th, 2013 I wrote a post, I was referring to Jeremy and Sarah, and this is part of what it said:

Mark my words, because I’m willing to lay down money that this forced disconnection will slowly erode his happiness and she will slowly lose the beautiful essence of Jeremy over time!  I know my boy, and it has to be depressing to him and as he grows more mature he will feel the void more than ever.

Jeremy has always been a tender and loving son and ironically I’m completely positive that ultimately it will be Sarah who will lose that beautiful part of Jeremy — because no matter what the Church of Scientology preaches, BLOOD IS THICKER and FAMILY is IMPORTANT!

I just can’t tell you how sad I am for Sarah, but I know in this scenario there are “losers”.  Scientology is not a game where everyone wins. It was as I predicted, she started losing the beautiful essence of Jeremy from the first year and it took almost four years for Jeremy to become so completely depressed that often times he thought the only way out was to “reset” (to put it mildly).  He said he always put on a front of happiness but he was so horribly depressed inside that he felt hollow.

On June 27th I was sitting in a nail salon – 400 miles away from St. Louis – with my daughter-in-law, Brittany, when a text came in, but I didn’t see that text for almost an hour and a half – it was from Jeremy!  It literally took my breath away and I was scared to read it, and excited beyond words, yet it caused me to freeze and just sit there staring at my phone in disbelief.  I was afraid of what I might read.  See, I’ve had Jeremy’s cell phone number since his father passed away and I just kept the number just in case there was ever a very important reason I needed to reach him, so when his text came in it said it was from “JEREMY” – I was extremely excited and yet afraid.

At 4:36 pm he simply said “Hello”, then 4 minutes later he said, “I’ve started this. So there’s no going back now”.  I didn’t see this text come in because I was getting my nails done, as well as he had texted me using my Google Voice phone number (published on this blog) and I don’t have an alert sound set up for that number.

When I read the text I immediately froze, In fact, I’m sure my heart wasn’t even beating!  I just stared at it and must have re-read it fifteen times in shock, but more, wondering if, and hoping beyond your wildest imagination that it was really him.  Sadly it was over an hour later when I saw his messages to me.  How could I have missed the most important text of my life!!!

After getting a grip on it, I wrote at least four different responses, deleting each one, thinking what if he changed his mind and this was my one shot to say the most important thing to him.  Realizing it certainly might be, I finally responded with the most powerful message I felt I could give him, “OMG, I love you”.  And I waited an eternity for him to respond back (hey, it was a FULL 3 minutes of holding my breath and waiting for him to write again)!  No answer so I asked him to “talk to me”.

My heart was in my chest at this point and it was certainly beating now, course I was holding my breath, waiting for his answer….but why wasn’t he answering me?  It was at this point I screen shot his message and sent it to Heather and Jim – to see what they thought.  Heather said it was cruel joke and someone was messing with me, while Jim’s advice to me was to not “blow up the comm line”, just give him time to get back to me.  So there I was waiting, wondering, and numb – staring at my phone until I couldn’t stand it any longer and twenty minutes later sent him another message, thinking that it might not be him – “If you are not Jeremy, I’m sorry I have misunderstood. Talk to me please”.


On the outside I was composed and normal, but that is not what I was feeling on the inside, because I was losing my composure and felt like I was going to throw up…….why was he not answering me!  Finally over 30 minutes later I heard from him again,  all he said was he was at a wedding and we’d talk soon, but it was the most beautiful feeling to me and even though I wanted to say a million billion things to him, I settled with acknowledging him and waiting.

I waited, and waited and hyperventilated and waited for fourteen eternities until, over an hour later he sent me a message that calmed my soul down, he typed, “Love you too”.  This time I was overwhelmed with emotion as tears filled my eyes and I felt like dancing around the room, kissing & hugging everyone in my vicinity!




I quickly responded to him, letting him know how I felt – still worrying deep down that this might be a short lived reunion, uncertain of anything at this point.  I told him that my heart was racing, that I loved him dearly and hoped so much that he was happy, yet I prayed it wasn’t a cruel prank but after I didn’t hear from him, nearly 10 minutes later I told him that I was sure it was my Jeremy and that I loved him so much and missed him every day of my life!  He responded, “it’s me”  and assured me again that he loved me.



I think everything in my world was stopped.  By this time I had my other son, Travis, his wife Brittany and my two awesome grand kids with me, sharing in my moment.  We were at Pizza Parlor ordering food and I swear I don’t have any recollection of my environment at all.

Then he called me and my signal was weak and I missed the call!!!   We were about to eat pizza when my phone started playing the song, I’m Coming Home”!!!   Immediate tears for me.  This was a moment of massive emotional release for me because it was the ringtone I had set for his number – the lyrics of the part of the song that I love are: “I’m coming home, I’m coming home, tell the world that I’m coming home, Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday, I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes, I’m coming home, I’m coming home, tell the world I’m coming”.  It was Jeremy.  After nearly 4 long years my Jeremy was calling me.  Oh my god. There just aren’t words to describe this feeling.  Massive love, happiness mixed solidly with fear and apprehension because I had no idea how fleeting this contact might be.

The first thing he said to me was, “Mom, I think I’m going to need your help real soon because I’m in too deep”, at first I didn’t understand and he added that everything around him was Scientology (his job, his wife, his home and everything) and he had to leave the situation but all he would have would be his computer and his heart.

As we talked he told me that he had so much regret and was so sorry for all the pain he caused the family and asked how the family felt about him – I assured him that we all loved him very much.   I told him the most important thing to me was that he be happy.   I asked him how he could leave now that he was married and he said he’d have to leave Sarah.  I remember talking to him about just keeping a secret connection with me and his family so he didn’t have to walk out of his marriage, but he assured me he couldn’t fake happiness any longer and he wanted to be himself, not a secret existence.  He told me he had not been truly happy since he left and that it had come to the point that the depression was literally killing him.  He told me the only way he made it this long was to just stop ALL emotions and thoughts.

During this first conversation he said he dearly wanted the Bridge (all the promised gains) but no church “handlings” done for his loss of his family had worked because it never truly handled the real problem, he still couldn’t have his family and deep inside he never believed that we true SP’s (Scientology’s term for “evil people”).

He told me that Sarah was a super family person and expected him to come with her to all her family things and wanted him to be happy with her family and it seemed she had no reality with how sad he was that he couldn’t have his family!  He said that he had no idea why he went ahead with the marriage except that he had finally became numb and robotic, due to suppressing his true emotions and after the wedding the hard solid facts of the reality of where he was set in and started suffocating him.

I just couldn’t understand, because I know Sarah is crazy about Jeremy and I thought he loved her to pieces as well, so I asked him if he loved her and he said “not this much”.  I truly understood what he meant, because in order to love her he had to lose everyone in his own family so I began talking to him about the possibility that she would come with him and he said there was absolutely no way he could even ask her to do what he couldn’t do – leave her family.

He said he had thought it through completely and there was no other possible solution except to end it all and leave.

I said earlier, I was visiting my son Travis & his wife, Brittany in Arkansas when all this was going on and I was able to share these first moments with them.  They were super excited about it and Travis even got to talk to him a few minutes over the speaker phone.  We live so far apart that I don’t get to see them but a couple times a year, but they were still so happy for me and happily shared “their time” with Jeremy.

Later that night Jeremy and I talked over the phone three or four more times and I determined that his decision was indeed final and it was clear that he had to leave the situation.  Of course I was extremely happy, I can’t even tell you how happy because there aren’t words that I can describe it with, but there was also intense fear that he would change his mind at any moment or that Sarah would find out and pull him into the org (Scientology “church”) where he’d have to go through “handlings” and have people in his face telling him that he was going to to hell (Scientology’s real words are that his eternity will be in oblivion).  I was just so worried that something might change things before I could get back home and help him get out – remember I was 400 miles away and not due to come back home for almost a week!

When your child tells you that they have been so depressed that they had starting thinking the only solution was a tall building you “get it” real fast.  My Jeremy was so close to a really bad solution (suicide) and I’m so grateful he knew we would be there for him, or at least had the courage to ask.

Had he been reading the blog?  Sadly, to me, he had not been reading it.  He had been keeping himself in a state of numbness and reading the blog would have broken that down and I’m sure he knew that.  He knew it existed though, because when I started the blog he got called into the org and told not to read it.  This is hilariously comical that the org’s head of the department of special affairs actually informed him of my blog and warned him that for his own safety he should not read it!  WTF?  But, thanks Ellen, because had you not told him it was there he might not have had a way to figure out how to find me.  I found out that he went to the blog that day to find out how to contact me!  Thank god I had plastered it with my contact information!

He and I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning talking and then he stayed up the rest of the that night reading the blog.  He talked to me about some of my posts the next day and laughed at me for the one where I said I hated him that day.

The next morning I called my mom, who was at her sister’s house about 25 miles from me, to tell her the amazing news.  After I told her everything that was going on I broke down and cried harder than I remember crying in 37 years.  I sobbed with joy but mostly the release all the pent up tears of these last 4 years, releasing the fear that I would never see him again.  There is nothing to describe the emotional release I had, but thankfully Mom talked reason to me and I got myself together when she reminded me that we had portraits scheduled for the afternoon (five generation portraits with Travis, his kids, Mom and my 92-year-old grandmother) and I didn’t need to have red swollen eyes.

Honestly, I barely made it through that week and the closer it got, the more nervous I was.  Jeremy talked to me a lot about plans on how to get him out of the situation the easiest and cleanest.  I remained careful to to ensure that Jeremy called the shots and that I didn’t say things would sway him from his own determinism, and yet mostly I needed to know he was firm in his decision.  I made sure he knew that I could live with it if he did change his mind, but that I didn’t want him to.  I’m not sure where that came from, but I felt it was important for him to be in total control of the next few moves.

More than anything he didn’t want Sarah to have to go through the loss all alone and many ideas of how to do it best were talked about but the facts were that he needed to do it in such a way that there was no possibility that “handlers” could be called in or anything could happen to stop him.  So he decided to just have all his stuff moved out and be there when she came home where he would be able to tell her in person why he was leaving, as he felt she deserved that much respect.  In ordinary circumstances he might have been able to just sit down and discuss it all with her and let her know he had to leave, then pack and go, but when you add Scientology to the mix it becomes much stickier. Much stickier!

So the plan was for me to come and move him out and then wait outside while he talked to her and told her he had to leave.  Isn’t this ironic?  I’m remembering how he left ME that day, nearly 4 years earlier.  Sarah was waiting out in the vehicle and told him it shouldn’t take over 10 minutes to come in and tell me he was disconnecting from me and leave.  I know she must have been panicked that he might stay too long and be talked out of it!

Funny, I remember the very last words I said to him that day, “Jeremy, I don’t know how you’ll ever be able to make up this damage”.  I regretted saying those words to him, over and over they rang through my head over the years and I wished I could take them back – but it’s all over now.  I just find it so ironic that we were about to do the same thing back to Sarah.  How heartless it was.

I finally arrived back in town then Jim and I headed straight over to pick him up – and I swear Jim just couldn’t drive fast enough to satisfy me!  The idea that I was going to get to hug my baby again had my heart racing and the emotions were over the top.  I remember driving down the street he lived on and seeing him standing on his porch as we drove past his house.  Jim had to turn around and come back – you would never believe how slow he was at turning around and driving back (and why he hell was he fumbling with his phone anyway!?) – and I was sure that I was going to jump out of the vehicle and run up to the porch before he finally got parked in the driveway.  Turns out Jim was trying to get his video rolling on his phone so he could video the reunion!  Funny, that was the furthest thing from my mind but how awesome was that?

We finally pulled into the driveway and Jeremy literally ran from the porch, pulled my car door open and I was only half way out of the car before we were holding on to each other for dear life.  I held on to him, he held on to me, finally all the dreams I’d had of hugging my boy again came true and it was better than any dream!  Happiness, elation, love……how do you describe it?

If you’re reading this from your phone or email, sometimes the video doesn’t show so you can CLICK HERE to see the YouTube video of our reunion if it isn’t showing below.




So even though the plan was to for him to wait for her to come home and tell her in person, he ultimately decided that it would not be good to have her at the house, alone, and then him leave her.  Bless his caring heart, he knew she would not do well like that, so he made the decision to get all moved to our home then just call her at work to tell her before it was time to get off so she would have her family and friends with her and they could help her, even it were to just just convince her how horrible he was!  See, my Jeremy has such a tender and loving heart, I can’t even imagine him going through these past 4 years being numb to his emotions.

PicMonkey Collage5


Again, if you’re reading this from your phone or email, sometimes the video doesn’t show so you can CLICK HERE to see the YouTube video of Jeremy & Heather’s reunion (brother & sister), if the video isn’t showing below.




PicMonkey Collage67


Later, after we got him all settled in to his new room and after many hugs & kisses – he got a call from Sarah, who was still at work.  It was time for that tough conversation that he’d been dreading and just as I figured, it broke her heart into a million pieces.  She had a really hard time with the conversation but Jeremy was finally able to make her understand how it just could never continue this way and neither could he ever expect her to leave her family – and logically it had nowhere to go but end, since he wasn’t willing to be depressed, sad and emotionally dead any more just to be allowed to be with her and in good graces with Scientology.

That was a Thursday and by early Saturday morning a courier arrived at our house with divorce papers and the remainder of Jeremy’s belongings.  It appeared that Sarah was going to handle the divorce herself, without an attorney.  You can come to your own conclusions here, but it’s my bet that Sarah had “church” handlers (likely her dad among them) who immediately stepped in to make sure she quickly severed all ties to the guy she loved now that he was in the midst of suppressive people (the org’s words for people who disagree with Scientology and practice their right to free speech).  After all, what if he actually got her to see the truth of it all?

* * * * *

Today it’s a few days shy of eight months since then.  Jeremy has finally re-grouped, sorted out his scrambled head, and moved on.  But that has been a journey for him.  In October his divorce from Sarah was final.

september picIt took quite awhile for him to untangle and it certainly wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do.  He ended up going through some highly reclusive time, but never regretted his decision to get out of that mess.  Here was Jeremy, 4 years later with nothing more in life than his computer and clothes.  All his previous “friends” and business contacts – gone.

Once he talked to me about how odd he thought he was because he didn’t feel emotions like “normal” people do.  He said for instance when he should feel empathy, sympathy or sadness for someone else, he just felt numbness.  He hated feeling like that.  We talked about it and I could only assume it was from doing hours and hours of Scientology’s “training routines” wherein you’re are to sit with your eyes closed or open and not react to anything you hear or see (designed to help a person shut off all the head-chatter, supposedly) coupled with him refusing to feel true emotion for all these years.  I’m not really sure where all this came from, as I said I only assumed what it might have been, but I can relate to him on that level, because I’m still able to sit through horribly sad movies and not shed a tear and I’ve been away from that stuff for years now.

As he slowly started coming to life again his emotional shut-off started turning back on and he went through some really emotionally tough times.  He was getting overwhelmed with some of the emotions that he had not allowed to come in before and dealing with them was hard for him.  I am not able to tell you what all went through in his mind because he wasn’t overly communicative about his feelings and thoughts.  He kept to himself quite a bit – almost too much.

I’m sure he had a head scramble going on but I was very careful not to talk against Scientology to him, but told him to do his own research and I was always willing to answer his questions and tell him my viewpoints.  I pointed him to a few of the things I had researched but I think he took a real liking to Tony Ortega’s blog about Scientology and spent time there reading, which opened his mind to other questions.  Since he had previously made the original comment that he actually “wanted the bridge” I also told him that he could get it on the outside if he really wanted it.  Anytime he wanted to talk about any of it, I ensured I was available in a loving, caring way.  Sometimes I just sat silently in his area doing something and he’d just start talking about it to me.

I always just listened carefully and tried to let him get it off his mind.  He said he was sad that Sarah was only as deep as a “Scientology parrot” and that honestly she never thought any deeper than what she was taught or told from inside Scientology.  Her answer to everything to him when he tried to discuss his emotional mess was “let’s go to the org” – to the point he couldn’t stand to mention it to her anymore.

We had an awesome family reunion in September and he was able to see his brother again and his nephews for the first time.  That was precious.

kids in dec

He was able to be there when his sister, Heather, had her baby girl in October and he even attended her baby shower!  These are things families share with each other and Jeremy is no longer denied these basic human rights.


And Christmas this year was completely amazing having my entire family together again for the first time in years and years!!  We all exchanged gifts with each other and Jeremy later told me it was the best Christmas since he had been gone.  He told me that Christmas’ for him were empty and he had received more gifts this year than all the previous years combined.  That shocked me, I still don’t know what to think of it.  I know I had stopped sending gifts to him when his father passed away, because that was my last connection to him.

It’s taken a few months but he’s now full of life again and happiness sparkles in his eyes.  It’s beautiful to see!

Now that his life is put back together he has moved on and my Jeremy is happy again!  He is a very talented website designer and he freelances with that while also using his graphic artist talent creating logos for big names.  I’m so happy for him and I look forward to all the years we have ahead of us.







While I’m happy beyond words that I have my son back from the Church of Scientology – I still have a huge pocket of pain in my heart for the many friends who are still living in the hell of losing their family.  My friend Lori Hodgson has lost both of her children, Claire Headly has lost her entire family and I could go on for a long list of acquaintances who have lost so much.

Yes, disconnection is alive and well in Scientology and damaging not only those who are disconnected from, but also those who are forced to believe their families and loved ones are “evil” and should be shunned.  I maintain that it is an action that should not be done, yet it is done for reasons so deeply insidious it would take me another blog to fully explain.  Instead, and because I know people who are still “in” the church read my blog, I want to share this video with you because it will clearly show you how disconnection is completely against your own church’s creed!  Remember, those of us who were declared suppressive (evil) were those of us who exercised our inalienable rights, it just so happened that we disagreed with how things are being handled now in Scientology – and I suppose that is where one’s inalienable rights end.  Please watch this short video and may your eyes be opened to where you will be able to start understanding the things that are not making sense and hopefully you’ll start questioning.

An Open Letter to Scientology Leader Miscavige


Here is the video, and again, if you’re reading this from your phone or email, sometimes the video doesn’t show so you can CLICK HERE to see the YouTube video, if the video isn’t showing below.


At this time, I’m turning over this blog’s authorship to Jeremy Powers, who wants to continue to blog and tell things from his perspective and what he went through during this time – which I do believe could be enlightening to everyone who has read my blog all these years as well as those who wonder what in the world could be in the head of their child or loved one who has disconnected.

With all my love,


Went to a Wedding

Wow, I haven’t written much lately, but that has absolutely nothing to do with how often I think of Jeremy, which is a daily thing.  The good news (or maybe it isn’t so good, shrug) is that I no longer have nightly dreams of Jeremy coming to see me and giving me hugs and love.

This weekend I attended the wedding of an old friend, Chris Hays.  Chris and Amanda’s wedding was beautiful yet I experienced enormous sadness remembering that I had been left out of Jeremy’s & Sarah’s wedding in February.  It’s horrible that my Jeremy had none of his family at his own wedding, so his wedding portraits will all be void of any family members and even his own mother – regardless of how much I love him.

Anyway, there was a boy about Jeremy’s age in attendance at this wedding yesterday who resembled my Jeremy so much I couldn’t stop staring at him!  He sat in my direct view of watching the wedding and I found myself unable to keep my eyes off him.  It was beginning to be awkward when he would look my direction and I was always looking at him, little did he know how fascinated I was with just watching him.  There I was, watching all his mannerisms and could swear I was looking at my son.  I felt so much sadness.  I just wanted to go hug this boy yet I knew I couldn’t do that – good grief – it would just be weird for him!  LOL.  I felt the disconnection pain even more because it was than pain of wanting to hug my son and can’t – even if it’s just a stranger who looks like him.

I observed this young man, and even though I don’t know a thing about him, he seemed to carry that same “troubled soul” that Jeremy always had.  You can’t imagine how badly I wanted to take him under my wing and have a chance to make a difference in his life.

I did end up speaking to him and showed him photos of Jeremy and he also saw the uncanny resemblance.  I told him about Scientology’s disconnection and that Jeremy now shuns me – later I told him I would adopt him if he needed another family and had a bit of conversation with him.  Bless his heart, overall I think I just creeped him out and he just thought I was super strange.

I now feel a bit obsessive about wishing there could be some type of “adoptive family” relationship created and it is probably not an option because, like I said, I think I freaked him out and he just thinks I’m a weird “old” lady.  Sad. I think our family has a lot of love to share and I also think I’m a pretty good mom – even though Jeremy bailed on me.

I wish my Jeremy would wake up.




Jeremy, I love you, miss you and I want you in our life.  I have nothing against you being in Scientology, but as long as you are forced to stay disconnected from me and your family – I will continue to speak out.  Likewise, if Scientology stops abusing the “disconnection policy” I will never breathe another word regarding Scientology, one way or another.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 


A Similar Realization For Me

I Only Want My Family Back

Want to know something?  

I only want my family back.  

I just want to be able to see & talk to my son and be a family again.  

I want his little sister to have her brother back.

That’s all I want.  I will continue to write this blog and stay as public as I feel I need to be until this happens.  The fact that he is FORCED to disconnect from his family is not a real choice.  He’s told he will be damned to hell forever if he doesn’t.  What kind of choice is this?

Once my son is allowed to associate with me again, I really couldn’t care less about this organization or writing a blog about it.  I don’t care who gets involved and I don’t care if Jeremy stays involved, I never have.  It is his path, and I believe he has the right to his choices.

I have too many other things in my life that bring me happiness and no interest in “preaching my beliefs” to others.  I have explained it very well in a previous blog post.

But until the day I have my family back together I will continue to let people know that DISCONNECTION is FORCED BY THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY.

It’s real and it’s being practiced in the most ridiculous of ways possible!  Those on the “inside” are actually AFRAID to even be in the same building or look at someone that the church says is “bad”.

Completely ridiculous!

Some time back I read a blog post written by a “new” OT8 (which is the very highest level one can achieve in Scientology).  I agreed with it so much it felt like I had written it! 
Today I’m going to re-posting with the title linked back to his Geir’s blog.  This made me wonder how long it will be for my Jeremy to come through these steps because this is a very common path for MOST people who get involved with Scientology, and is the exact reason it is not expanding.
In fact, a LOT of folks go through the final steps silently because they fear losing friends and family to due to disconnection.  These folks just step away and pretend to be “just fine” – but they are actually SCARED to say they no longer “agree”.  That equates to Scientology CREATES fear.

From Wog to Scientologist and Back to One’s Own Path

Written by Geir Isene – Click on the title to go to his site.

  1. This Scientology thing may be interesting.  But there is a lot of bad press about this. I will give it a try.
  2. Wow!  This communication course really works.  Scientology makes a lot of sense.  The media has got this one wrong.
  3. Scientology really has got the answers!  Hubbard was a genius.  I am a Scientologist.
  4. Everything I have experienced so far is 100% right.  The rest of Scientology must surely also be right
  5. Scientology is the One True Path to Total Freedom, the only hope for Man.
  6. The Church of Scientology is saving Mankind.  David Miscavige is the most dedicated, brilliant leader there is.  I follow Command Intention to the letter.
  7. There is something wrong in the Church that I can’t quite put my finger on.
  8. The Church is not applying Hubbard’s policy correctly.  And there is out-tech.  This is a local phenomenon.
  9. There seem to be global issues with the Church.  It is not expanding even though Miscavige says it is expanding like never before.
  10. Scientology is the Only True Path, but the current management is not on that path.  It has betrayed Hubbard.
  11. I am a dedicated Scientologist, and I can no longer support a suppressive Church.  I’m out!
  12. I am an Independent Scientologist.  I practice my religion outside of the confinement of the CoS.
  13. There sure are lots of diverging viewpoints among independent Scientologists.  But I have my own unassailable trust in Hubbard.
  14. Maybe the insanities in the Church did not start with Miscavige.  Maybe, just maybe some of the problems originated with Hubbard.
  15. Hmm… maybe Hubbard wasn’t right about everything.  Maybe there actually are other valid spiritual paths.
  16. Heck, Hubbard was wrong about a lot of things.  Crap!  My stable data are experiencing an earthquake.
  17. Scientology is a tool like so many tools out there.  It’s got its good and its bad.  I will use whatever works.
  18. I don’t really care one way or the other.  I am on my own path toward my own goals.

Not exactly my journey, but close. Although some flip to the opposite and go from fanatic to anti-fanatic, I see most people go through a similar list to the above. It may serve as a useful prediction.


As I said, most people who get involved in Scientology take this same route right down to step 11 and then just simply “disappear” and stop going around.  They become impossible for Scientology to reach by phone etc.  These folks number in the thousands and if every single one of them would come forward, on a public level, I think it would be tougher for the organization to label all of them as “suppressives”!

Don’t you think there is power in numbers?

But you know it won’t happen because the brainwashing is extremely heavy and a lot of the people who make it to step 11 are still living in fear.  They are afraid of reading anything “negative”.  You would never believe how many of them are actually SCARED to even read anything on the internet about Scientology because they are conditioned to believe that reading “anti-Scientology” anything could actually restimulate their “OT Case” and kill them!

I am not even teasing!  They are told that there are certain things they could run into on the net that could kill them…….it’s so sad because even those who are telling them this, probably BELIEVE it themselves!


Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Things That Are Happening – Here’s the News


Your nephew, Blaine Harmon

Jeremy my son, I miss you wildly!  

I want to hug you, talk to you and share your life with you!  Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner, you and Sarah are cordially invited over!  We are having dinner & gifts Christmas Eve (night) then games and fun!  I can’t even begin to tell you how much it would mean to me for the both of you to come.

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on much, but that certainly doesn’t mean that a lot isn’t going on.  I keep myself busy and happy as a bug-in-a-rug, most the time!

I love life!  I hope you do too.  I hope you’re very happy in what is happening in your life.

How does it feel to be, “Uncle Jeremy”?


Blaine Harmon, your nephew


Ashton Harmon

Blaine, your nephew is getting cuter by the minute!  This little guy has an amazing personality and is actually as much fun to be around as his big brother, Ashton!  Do you even remember being around Ashton?  Well, like it or not, lol, you are Uncle Jeremy.  How does it feel?  How I wish you were part of their lives.  I hope you have others in your life to take the place of your blood family.


Travis and Brittany are doing fantastic.  He is out in Oklahoma still running a hoe in pipeline.  He has said a few times he could get you work out there, all the work you’d ever want, upwards of good money if you’re willing to travel!  Just remember that in case you ever feel the time’s right to return to your family.  We are all here, willing and able to help you.

Brittany is pregnant with their 2nd child and we’re told it will be a boy, destined to arrive on Travis’ birthday!  That has to be exciting!  You should see how happy they are as a family, it just makes my world when they come and bring the kids!  We don’t get to see Ash as often because he is in school and can’t just get out easily.  He is “blow your mind” amazing!  I love him to death and I know you’d be so impressed with him.  He’s a tiny thing, I’d say he probably doesn’t weigh more than 40 lbs.

heather 201


Your sister is doing well.  She is a front desk supervisor in a major (very nice) hotel chain.  She has the cutest cat you’ve ever seen, calls him “Jack”!  He is the sweetest thing.  LOL, makes me think of Saber.  He is still a bit cranky with strangers, but not near as bad as he used to be.  We have a lot of things happening around our BIG house and he has started accepting there are more humans than just Jim and I.


Vince & Heather

Your sister has moved out into her own small loft apartment and has been making it go right since around June this year.  She loves living with her boyfriend, Vince.  Who knows, they might get married one of these days, too.  It would seem that they are doing really well.

Goofy pic of me!

Goofy pic of me!

I’ve been doing well, as I said I’m one of the happiest people I know!  My sadness that surrounds the situation of you shunning us doesn’t consume my life, thank God.

My learning, expanding and enlightenment has continued and I’m in a very good and stable place in my life – ready for anything.  I don’t fear death in the least and I’m completely sure that you and I will have a good chuckle some day on the other side about all this stuff.  Course, I honestly hope we don’t have to wait that long.  I want to have all my family around me, bringing the grandkids over, having Christmas & Thanksgiving traditions that we start with our own family.  That’s what I hope for!


My new massage chair!

I have a new toy at home.  Actually it isn’t really a “toy” but I pretend it is.  This chair is helping me with my back pain.  The back pain is the most frustrating part of my life these days as I just can’t seem to get it to stop hurting and I try to avoid taking pain medication as often as I can.  I will tell you that this chair makes me feel able to move my body after I’ve sat in it for 30 minutes!  You’d love it.  I keep it hidden away because it’s preciously important to me.

We have plenty of room for you and Sarah to come over and have a good time, spend the night and all.  With it being just Nanny, Jim and I, our 4-bedroom house serves as room for company to come and spend the night in a comfortable room.  I changed Heather’s old room into a guest room and used all her 8th art work as the theme!!!  LOL, she had changed the paint on one of the walls and I just went with it.  I didn’t really want to spend a lot on it, just make it comfortable and use the stuff we already had around here.

Here are a few shots I took as I was decorating the two rooms.  We have that “8th Grade Art” room that was Heather’s with a double bed in it, then there’s the “black & white” room with a double bed and decorated now in Beatles stuff (here’s a shot of it while I was still mid decorating) then there’s the twin sized room all done in Coca Cola stuff. It’s cute as hell!  Funniest thing, when Heather moved out we were always getting confused on which room was which when I totally moved all the stuff around, so we did something really funny and put room numbers on the doors in golden fancy writing – and put “restroom” on the bathroom.  The master bedroom has a sign that says “manager”.  We are silly, I know!  So now we refer to the rooms as “201”, “202” and “203”!

PicMonkey Collage

Here’s also a couple shots from our front room and living room.  I have a lot more decorating to do as I make final decisions on how I want the rooms to look.  (God, you know I always take 2-3 years to get something decorated like I want it).  But hey, if you like to play xbox or other type video games, we now have the 42″ LCD in the front room (two bottom right hand pics), tucked away on the wall so anyone who wants to play games can do it while we watch TV in the living room (bottom left pic) on the new 65″ LED!!  Yep, that was mine and Jim’s big gift this year.  I’m completely amazed by how big and real the picture looks.  It makes watching a movie in your living an experience.  I certainly did want the 80″, but that might be a couple years down the road before we upgrade to one that size (when the prices come down).  Just saying I think you’d have a good time coming over.  We keep the two refrigerators stocked and the walk-in pantry has snacks you’d love!

I’d love to share more pictures with you, but I think it could get crazy!  I love photos and have a bunch of them.  Jeremy we’re all doing super well.  Like I said, spiritually & emotionally I’m completely stable and doing awesome.  It seems that I’m also able to manifest just about anything I want in my life – except you!  LOL, I’m still working on that one as we speak.

Time is Ticking

1372226_10151874447339411_232181301_oI never told you how close you came to losing your grandma (Nanny).  On September 27th she had a stroke and spent 4.5 days in the hospital.  This was caused by her uncontrolled high blood pressure that has just never been remedied in all these years.  She has taken many different alternative health routes, auditing through NED and a lot of medications.  I think we might finally have it under control for the first time in years!

We’re thankful she is still with us, because I honestly can’t imagine her dying, believing you absolutely didn’t give a damn about anyone in your family except yourself.  Whether that is true or not, how do you expect her to feel otherwise? As far as that goes, how about Heather?  I’m not as worried about me, but those two!


Nanny being funny!

Here is a more recent picture of her, since coming out of the hospital.  I can tell you that she looks the same, but isn’t quite “the same”.  Her personality has changed, so at this point, you will never have the grandma you used to know.

Jeremy, she pulled out of it this time. There will come a day that she will be leaving us.  I know we believe that will be 20 years from now, but nobody knows how long they have!



* * *

Mike Rinder wrote an article that shows how there is a double standard in Scientology with regards to who is forced to disconnect and who isn’t – that I thought you’d be interested in reading.  It’s a viewpoint for sure, considering you were forced to disconnect from your entire family (as were others) however if you’re a particular celebrity, you don’t have to.  Who is making these rules up, Jeremy?  Mike says, “But I would guess the “Tom Cruise Syndrome” is going to come into play. No action will be taken. It will be treated as a “special circumstance” because it would create a media frenzy and “black PR.”  It’s why no disconnection is enforced for Tom from Kate or Nicole…” Read the whole article below.


* * *

Double Standard, Not Everyone Is Forced to Di$connect!
(Story from Mike Rinder’s site, click here for the original article)

Now that Leah Remini is officially a Special Person (see Tony Ortega’s blog this morning), the big question becomes whether Miscavige is going to attempt to enforce the oft-employed disconnection card with Jennifer Lopez.

Everyone knows JLo and Leah are BFFs. They were hanging at JLo’s party last nite and featured on the People Mag site (and everywhere else).

It is also common knowledge that JLo’s father is a Scientologist.

So, what is the guy who proclaims to be the enforcer of “standard tech” to do? Would eh dare risk trying to force J Lo to choose between her dad and Leah?  She IS after all, connected to an officially declared Special Person and publicly supporting her. That makes her guilty of a “Suppressive Act”.  And thus her father should be getting the same treatment as the peons are subjected to: “Get your daughter to disconnect from the SP or you will be declared guilty of a Suppressive Act and be declared too.”

This EXACT scenario has happened with HUNDREDS of people in just the last year.

But I would guess the “Tom Cruise Syndrome” is going to come into play. No action will be taken. It will be treated as a “special circumstance” because it would create a media frenzy and “black PR.”  It’s why no disconnection is enforced for Tom from Kate or Nicole…

Amazing how the “deeply held religious beliefs” and “upholding of standard tech” melts in the face of media scrutiny. Those lives and families of the “nobodies” that are destroyed mean nothing because they don’t get media attention.

It’s a sickening double standard.

PS: Welcome Leah to the ranks of Special Persons – goldenrod is the new black. :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jeremy do you have to keep your head in video games to escape the reality that you are being denied your family? What in the world are you doing to cope with this?  I guess it was worth it, if the St. Louis Org has now expanded since us four “SPs” were gotten off the lines!


Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 


What Would Ellen Maher-Forney Do?

You’ve heard that “Jim & Meshell Little are St. Louis Org’s biggest SPs”?  Really?  Isn’t that interesting?

Tell me what mother would just quietly walk away and go about her life after a “church” required her child to pretend she and the rest of the family never existed?  (Jeremy you were ONLY 19-years old!)

EllenForneySo let’s play this out.
Suppose Ellen Maher-Forney (who is St. Louis Org’s OSA person) finally found her personal integrity…

  • Let’s assume she stopped “being reasonable” and “looking the other way”.

  • Let’s assume she had written hundreds of internal reports of things that should NOT be, that were never handled, locally or from management.

  • Let’s assume she was able to objectively see the whole picture and realized that expansion is not really happening – anywhere!

  • Let’s assume she realized current Scientology tech has strayed so far that it wasn’t even able to save the marriage of her son, Kevin and Eve (Hanses).

  • Let’s assume she realized that “management” was telling her what she should think about certain people, things & situations and she was only getting one side of the story.

  • Let’s assume she actually did the same research that the HUNDREDS of us (who have walked away since 2008) have done.

  • Let’s assume she actually looked at the stats of  OTs and realized the incredible ratio of them who’ve died of cancer, killed themselves or are now declared SPs.

  • Let’s assume she realized that atrocities are being carried out in the name of “Scientology” and thousands are actually truly being wronged in the name of L. Ron Hubbard.

  • Let’s assume she realized that the “Creed of Scientology” was not being applied, tech was being misapplied and planet-wide Scientology was off the rails.

  • Let’s assume she now easily can see that the current church is all about the money, power and recognition (David Miscavige’s personal game).

  • Let’s assume she tried to help but now realizes there is nothing going to change the devastating path that the current Church of Scientology is on.

  • Let’s assume she realized that she would be an accessory to these crimes to continue to turn a deaf ear to the whole out-ethics scene.

  • Let’s assume that after her thorough and objective research she easily sees that in the name of HELP, Scientology is destroying families.

  • Let’s assume she realized that there’s a huge sinister corruption inside, and since nobody did anything about this years ago, it’s now too late!

  • Let’s assume she realized that she HAD to start applying LRH’s “Personal Integrity” tech and decided she must disconnect from what this church has become and withdraw her support.

  • Let’s assume she realized that the only chance Scientology has is for the members to stop supporting the current corrupt organization and leave.  LRH talks about what to do about corrupt government (which Scientology International Mgmt is the governing body over Scientology) – he says WITHDRAW YOUR SUPPORT.

Now, let’s draw this out a bit and see that her children (Kevin & Julie) could not agree with her, since they are basically “newer” Scientologists.  It seems only her husband is in agreement with her, because the both of them have had 15-20 more years of experience inside the organization (and they’ve heard it all before) and are in a better position to evaluate the situation.

Well, at this point, she has a choice.  She can choose to throw away her personal integrity and just allow the injustices, out-tech and massive out-ethics to continue.  Or, she can choose to make a stand to save Scientology!   She realizes she will be unjustly declared an SP (like all those who have stood up), but she feels she must stand up for what LRH created – withdraw her support from the corrupt organization and walk away.

Her children will be forced to disconnect from her.

No matter how badly she misses them, they will not call her, talk to her or even look at her.

No matter how much it hurts, she will not be able to find out how her children are, nobody will tell her.

When her son gets re-married, she will not be part of that joyous day (or the wedding).

When her daughter gets pregnant and has a baby she will not be able to be there, won’t be able to be part of that grand baby’s life, nor will she ever be known to any of her grandchildren.

If her son is ever in a bad accident and goes to the hospital she will not be allowed in to see him.

If her son dies, she will not be allowed to see his body nor attend the memorial.

If her daughter develops cancer, like Robin Hanses, she would not be able to help her or be with her to offer comfort.

If her husband, Steve, develops a brain tumor and is dying, her children will not be there for his last months of his life on Earth, nor will any of them attend the funeral.

Excuse me Jeremy (and Sarah) –
do you honestly believe that Ellen
would just tuck her tail between her legs
and quietly walk off into the sunset?


Do you think she would be speaking out about the atrocities and wrongness of forced disconnections?

Do you honestly think ANY mom would just let her child(ren) be taken away from her without “kicking and screaming”?  If we mom’s can’t get at slight gentle cause over this massive suppression, I’m sure we would not be able to make it.

Speaking out is SLIGHT GENTLE CAUSE over the suppression and evil that is being done to families!  Actually, you both should have been able to ensure you had all the facts before you were forced to choose sides!  You only had corporate Scientology’s side of the story.

Read this story at the risk of realizing that the level of corruption is sickening these days in this “church” and it has become a greedy evil entity that destroys families for the good of one man.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed, bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Erry “Ghost Town” Orgs on West Coast

Jeremy, today I read something that I felt I needed to share with you & Sarah.  I know this news will come to a surprise to you guys because you’re not being told these things, in fact, it’s likely you’re being told just the opposite!

This is a report of the real condition of the orgs on the west coast (Bay area) from someone who is secretly out, below the radar – so to say – so he can still go inside the orgs.

Jeremy & Sarah the west coast orgs are complete ghost towns where veteran Scientologists are leaving in droves!

A lot of them are too afraid to say they are disconnected from the CoS, but a big handful have come out openly.

The net effect is that the orgs are literally emptying and only a small handful of the “same old folks” and a few new folks coming in for intro services (and leaving just as fast) are all that are there.  Does this sound similar to how it’s been in STL for years?

The following article was an email received telling what the actual scene is in the area – which gives a lot of detail, originally posted on Mike Rinder’s blog (please click on his name to find out the full credentials of this 30-year Scientology veteran, coming from “up lines” in the most senior echelon, International Management).    The actual post is here,

I was completely blown away

by the some of the information:

“There is an Underground Railroad spanning the entire country.  When Freewinds ship handlers arrived in major metropolitan cities like Denver, Chicago, LA, SF Bay Area, etc., they have addressed Debbie Cook’s testimony on the stand with “people lie on the stand all the time.” In being questioned about how you and Marty could turn into overnight SPs after 30 plus years of staff and auditing by the best of the best auditors. The answer was that you, Debbie, Marty and the rest were plants. This was said with a straight face after they had to take your golden rods out of a locked safe.”


At what point does Scientology work?

Jeremy, that is complete absurdity.   Let’s examine this for a second and assume that it’s true.   Here we go, Marty Rathbun, Debbie Cook AND Mike Rinder were all 30+ year plants in the orgs to undermine Scientology.  First of all, who planted them, the government or psychiatry?  Second of all, who was stupid enough to let all three of them into the most senior stata of the CoS and leave them there for 30+ years?   –  Jeremy, I beg you to consider my biggest question – at what point does Scientology start to work?  When does it work for the orgs and staff?   Would you be expected to just ignore this one tiny little OUT-point even though Scientology ” has the tech of life”, the complete SP tech, the evaluator’s data course (which trains one to find the correct reason, or cause of something going wrong or not working right).  Talk about an “out-point”!  Perhaps they should have told you that your family were aliens from some other planet and it was recently discovered on the e-meter! Why not?  It sounds as plausible as the above cooked up response!

What did Matt Hanses say that allowed you to close the case on the oddity that overnight your mother, grandmother, sister and step-father all became suppressive people?  Did someone convince you that it was an ethics action and not that we are “actual SPs”?  In that case, did you question why LRH’s ethics tech of gradient ethics actions were not used, per HCO PL ETHICS REVIEW?    I’ve even heard it said that “well, they resigned and so we are no longer obliged to apply LRH tech to them”.  Hilarious.  This is especially hilarious since that particular tech is also supposedly being used in NON Scientology businesses (I don’t actually believe this) and that it is said that this tech applied to the “world at large”. Read the policies and you’ll see how absurd this is.  Darn, I’m ranting again, sorry……


Here is the full article,
and I recommend you read it
because you’re being lied to
about the expansion of CoS,
there is NO expansion at all,


scientology-san-franciscoDear Mike,

I wanted to give you an update on the Bay Area Scientology scene. As you know there are San Fransisco, Stevens Creek, Los Gatos and Mountain View orgs in this fifty mile area. Recently included to the grouping of the Bay Area orgs is Sacramento — about one hundred miles from most of the Bay Area. All Bay Area orgs sit empty. Just to be clear, there are probably half a dozen veteran public that appear for course once a week to keep their PR in.

It’s a sad state of affairs that while each org sits empty of public, some of the most well-intended (and misguided) staff you ever care to meet continue to hope for a better day when the miracle program from uplines will flood the orgs with public. It’s a hurry up and wait mentality. All faith based.

Awokened public are staying away. In fact, at this point many public Scientologists are refusing, albeit under the radar, to disconnect from the declared and the “not in good standing”.

The situation with disillusionment on the part of the public has not only grown but also changed dramatically in the past two years. At first those public that openly left or walked away were looked down on. Now they are sought and welcomed. The sec checks, rollbacks, loyalty checks and metered interviews left public feeling violated and spiritually raped. Following Debbie Cook’s letter, Leah Remini’s recent defection has given some public the confidence to reestablish and mend broken fences with friends and family who’ve been vilified by the church ‘s MAAs and local DSAs for refusing to participate or for questioning church management.

The local DSAs have voiced to their closest confidantes that they do not know what to do with the growing disaffection and media onslaught. The dead agent packs are so vile and hateful that they backfire on these DSAs when they show them to public. Though in many cases the DSAs don’t know it. Public smile and act handled. Then disappear. Public are aware that OSA is now specializing in the vilification of their own public and former staff. Public know that their auditing information can be used against them.

My spouse and I recently had lunch with a woman who had been vilified to us by the DSAs and the “Mike Smiths”. When we met with her we were surprised because she looked so good. I suppose we expected her to look bad or devastated after everything we’d heard. Instead we saw a successful and healthy woman proud of her family, loving life and involved in her community.

In contrast, one of the DSAs was extremely ill for a while and another one is so overweight we’re concerned he could have a heart attack. Another DSA has been dealing with divorce and financial woes. The DSAs look slovenly and unwell. They were once well regarded people, so it’s hard to watch them decay before our eyes.

This is Lori (Leake) Hodgson territory. Many of us had children in her school. We know her as a hardworking Mom. No one here wants to experience what she has had to. There isn’t one person we know who condones what the church has done to the minds of her children. We can only think that what these DSAs have done to Lori and to their public is making them unwell and unhappy.

Let me tell you about an incident that helped turn the tide here with some key public.  An OT Committee chairman, who runs a real estate firm took it upon himself to research the value of homes belonging to public Scientologists. He cross referenced his research against mortgages on the homes then told the public Scientologists how much they were each to donate based on percentages of these assets. One particular Jewish Scientologist took such offense to this that he figured out how to get out of Dodge. This public Scientologist’s home is valued at over five million-dollars. He’s moving his family, with his wife who is a new OT8, to where there are no orgs.

It is believed by many veteran public Scientologists locally that the class five orgs are shells for the IAS. The staff are paid more from the net commissions for IAS payments made by their public than from the delivery of auditing and training, as there is very little auditing and training occurring in the Bay Area, mostly Basics, Purifs, TR and Objectives co-audits. The org auditors who were trained at Flag for GAT 2 grades are not allowed to deliver the “new” grades until GAT 2 is officially released, even though the orgs sent these GAT 2 auditors for training over two years ago. Local public Scientologists are urged to do their grades at Flag, leaving their Ideal orgs to live off the minute income from the sales of Basics courses, TRs and Objectives and Purifs. Meeting monthly phone bill and gas and electric payments is the Hill 10 of the day for these Ideal Org EDs.

The EDs look haggard and beaten. The very last of the influential Scientologists left are on course or on staff hiding out in what’s left of the missions. There are less than a handful of missions left. The Campbell mission opened in the San Jose area then closed almost as soon as it opened (I heard it was closed shortly after Gold filmed the grand opening for an Int event). Another mission in San Jose has the facade of being opened for business but nothing is going on. It was also opened in time to make a Gold video for an international event. It looks like a garage. It sits empty and uncreated, opened by a few ethics bait second generation Scientologists.

Most of the local orgs can’t get more than twenty public to arrive for regular events or IAS briefings. We have all attended the (re)grand opening of the Ideal Orgs and, with a few exceptions, it’s the same recycled public at each (re)grand opening.

There are many more Scientologists talking about yours and Tony’s blog than there are public on lines, and even those on lines public are reading the blogs, connected to the declared and “not in good standing”, and are simply playing along for fear of disconnection. The disaffected public that ethics officers or OSA handled over the past few years are now immutably and permanently disaffected. They feel betrayed by the lies and manipulations of their “ethics” handlings. In most of these cycles these public were manipulated to believe they were full of OWs and Suppressive Acts as the cause of their issues with the church. They were gotten to turn in their friends to OSA which they now feel degraded about. I just heard about a highly trained field auditor who was handled for being disaffected and made to turn in his computers containing communications with other disaffected Scientologists.

There is an Underground Railroad spanning the entire country. When Freewinds ship handlers arrived in major metropolitan cities like Denver, Chicago, LA, SF Bay Area, etc., they have addressed Debbie Cook’s testimony on the stand with “people lie on the stand all the time.” In being questioned about how you and Marty could turn into overnight SPs after 30 plus years of staff and auditing by the best of the best auditors. The answer was that you, Debbie, Marty and the rest were plants. This was said with a straight face after they had to take your golden rods out of a locked safe.

Scientology is irrelevant in the Bay Area.

I could safely guess that about half the public are praying for the incessant demands to end.

The other half are trying to predict when the church will fall.


Jeremy & Sarah, you’re both beautiful big beings

You both have the ability to exercise your free-will and have independent thoughts.  You were taught by CoS to be self-determined and you have inalienable rights to your own path in life and to speak to whoever you want.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,

Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

If you’re new to my blog. please click here to see why I write this blog. 

Is Sarah Coziahr Stalking Me?


Just the other day I went to my LinkedIn account and took a screenshot of what I found!  It shows me that Sarah Coziahr is staying CONNECTED to me or she is stalking me.  I find this very interesting for sure!

It just breaks my heart Sarah actually heavily monitors Jeremy’s Facebook account and deletes anyone who might be related to him.

I know this because many of Jeremy’s family, like cousins, have had their hearts broken by being removed from his friends list.  It’s clear that he didn’t remove them because they had been on his friends list all along and were not a threat at all to him.   The only threat they might ever have posed was to Sarah in worrying that if Jeremy has any contact at all with any of his past (any family at all!) then he might feel the pain of being disconnected and having no blood family any more!!

imagesabcI find it so hard to to believe that she thinks he will be fine with this total family disconnection for the rest of his life.

Scientology requires his disconnection because I no longer want to be part of it and was subsequently accused of breaking their rules, and Sarah enforces it on Jeremy.  Mark my words, because I’m willing to lay down money that this forced disconnection will slowly erode his happiness and she will slowly lose the beautiful essence of Jeremy over time!  I know my boy, and it has to be depressing to him and as he grows more mature he will feel the void more than ever.

Jeremy has always been a tender and loving son and ironically I’m completely positive that ultimately it will be Sarah who will lose that beautiful part of Jeremy — because no matter what the Church of Scientology preaches, BLOOD IS THICKER and FAMILY are IMPORTANT!

When followers of the The Church of Scientology are required to disconnect from people they love (like family), they’re convinced that there isn’t such a thing as “family”, “your parents” or “your children”.  They’re brainwashed into believing that “we are all just spiritual and playing a game that isn’t real”……..they tell them it’s just a game of “you’re the mom”, “you’re the kid” and it’s not a big deal.

The truth is that family who love you are very important in our lives and I know that Jeremy will some day harbor a grudge against both Sarah and Scientology for making him believe that his dad was just a “thetan” and how he was convinced he shouldn’t spend the last days with his father!!


I’m sorry, but I see this as true  full-blown evil for Sarah to monitor Jeremy’s communication lines.  For instance, before Jeremy’s dad died last September and I was trying so hard to get the message to him that his dad was dying and had very little time left I asked my cousin Jodie to  send him a FB message letting him know how serious it really was.  His dad, Danny, just wanted to be with his kids during his last few months.  (It literally kills me knowing that Danny died believing Jeremy didn’t give a shit!).

Jodie reported back to me that not only did he not respond to her, but she was immediately deleted from his friends.

This particular cousin lives in Washington state, has never had anything to do with Scientology and is my mom’s deceased brother’s daughter, who is far removed from me and there was no reason why Jeremy would severe ties with her.   She is a beautiful being who was no threat at all to him.

I know Sarah had to be the one to delete her and I’m betting she also deleted the message before Jeremy could read it!

There are many who are required by the Church of Scientology to disconnect from their loved ones.  These people are threatened with losing their “eternity” (salvation) if they don’t and told they too will be kicked out of  the group as well.  However, there are a large number of those people who secretly DO NOT disconnect – especially when their loved ones were only declared suppressive people because they no longer wanted to be part of that group.  Jeremy could have stayed connected secretly to us, and I’m positive he would if it weren’t for the threats from Sarah.

Someday Sarah will know how horrible it is (or would be) to lose your child.  I’m positive that one day this horror will be very real to her … just ask any parent what they think of the thought of losing one of their children!

But for all of this……and I know it sounds weird, but I want to go on record again as saying that I think she is a wonderful girl for Jeremy.  Honestly I’m sure I would have loved her a lot and would have been proud to have her as my daughter-in-law.  As a person, she was actually a great pick for Jeremy and ultimately it’s The Church of Scientology that has created all this sadness and caused her to act so irrationally.  

As it is though, I know the level of brainwashed that Sarah is.  I know the constant fear she lives in with Scientology’s threat of being able to take her spiritual freedom (salvation) away.  That is the part that breaks my heart, because unless she wakes up there will never be a real family and she will lose that beautiful essence of Jeremy.

Ultimately my main point was that if Jeremy isn’t allowed to even look at me, isn’t allowed to even see my posts on mutual relatives Facebook pages (that might show in his feed), isn’t allowed to be anywhere that he might even glance at me – because the Church of Scientology tells him I’m evil for leaving – then how is it okay for Sarah to keep tabs on me?

I love and miss my Jeremy so much more than he knows.

Click here to get my contact information.

Love Always,
Your Mom,
Meshell Powers-Little


As usual, I want you to know, and anyone else choosing to call or email me – you are SAFE with me.  I’m not being followed bugged or otherwise tracked and I will NEVER share your identity or information.  I assure you that nobody will know that you talked to me.   I know folks need someone to talk to when their stable data starts to crumble.

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