Archive for February, 2013

Funny Thought Today….

laffI just thought of something that I thought I’d run by you.  But first, let me say this started when I asked my co-worker why she was giving up gambling and meat on Friday’s until Easter.  Her answers were vague in the beginning but when I asked her what she received in return her answer was along the lines of personal satisfaction.  I asked her if she was suppose to “suffer” for this length of time and she quickly confirmed this.

Now, I know I should not touch this with a 10 foot pole since it’s a religious ritual/traditional type thing, for I truly do believe that every individual has a right to their own religious beliefs and practices, whether I agree or even if I completely disagree, which includes Jeremy & Scientology.

I realize I’m a bit sidetracked here, but for a second I want to share an observation that the most ridiculous rituals on this planet come from a religious angle.  It’s amazing to me to that most of these rituals and practices are not thought of as silly and are (mostly) widely acceptable behavior – almost like they are practiced without the person really thinking it any further than “well, it’s my religion”.   I do not believe there’s a single religion out there that can point fingers at another one and make fun of it because they will most certainly have three fingers pointing back at themselves!

Gosh, forgive me, I didn’t mean to pound this, but just because I think other’s have their rights to practice any religion they want doesn’t mean I agree with it.  And it certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t think certain religions are destructive or just plain ridiculous.  I most certainly do.   I suppose the biggest reason I originally looked into Scientology was because of my own personal belief that too much of religion (and certainly including Christianity) was ridiculous.

I laugh when I think back to that day when my kids asked me what Christians believed – as I was telling them I started sounding like I was making up a Sci-Fi story and I certainly don’t think I could have passed it off to them without laughing.  As a matter of fact, I ended up laughing so hard I never finished telling them.  A side note here, that particular religion probably contains a lot of fantastic metaphors that are very true, but man, when you go telling the story as it is in the bible you sound like you flipped.

I love all my co-inhabitants on planet Earth.  I do not want to offend any of my friends who are highly religious or Christian, because you have every right to your own beliefs and practices and my opinion is simply my opinion and doesn’t mean anything to anyone except to me.  I’m absolutely not condemning you or looking “down” on you.  In fact, most the time I just let it be and don’t have any particular thoughts about religious rituals on this planet.

Good grief, I can probably count on my fingers how many times I will go to a subject like this!  My bad.

Back on track now and to get to my point.  My co-worker believing she has to  “suffer” with nothing in exchange (except perhaps a golden ticket after death) I started thinking about the suffering I usually do every January – March with dieting!  Man, you talk about suffering but I usually get a little something in exchange even if it’s just a better fit in my britches – but like usual – my life style slowly goes back to the way it was during the holidays and by the next year I need the “suffering” again.  LOL and the last two years I have not been able to get below a certain level of “being fat”!!  Grrrr.

My thoughts continued on this and I wondered if I was just not adequately motivated to lose weight and keep it off.  See, I’ve had attention on my pudginess (and a few years back seriously overweight) all my life.  I’m sure I have been on one diet or another for at least 38 of my 50 years, and I’m sure of that.  I should be in top notch shape with all that attention on being slim & healthy for so many years, no doubt!  But that is not the case.

A couple of years ago, I think it was January of 2011 I had reached an all-time high of “fatness” and was super motivated when I saw a photo of me and literally DID NOT recognize myself.  I suffered for about 4 months and dropped 40 pounds.  I suppose it was that picture that motivated me, but here I sit today having gained about 10 of those pounds back, and probably would have gained more if I had not had my yearly diet in 2012 also.  Can you say UGH??

Motivation must be the key for me.  I sometimes wonder if I was offered $5 million to lose 75 lbs, would I do it.  I seriously believe I would, however there would need to be a clause that said I had to keep it within 15 lbs for five years……or I would not get the money!  Yep, I’m money motivated just like someone else I know 😉

Since that is not highly likely to happen, my thoughts went to what else could motivate me enough to lose that imagesCA15P64Zsame 75 lbs.

I realized that I would do it if Jeremy would come back into my life.   Jeremy I miss you so much.  Please contact me and let me know you’re fine.

Love Forever,
Your Mother,



I Am a Safe-Point of Contact

Safepoint_Square_Logo_300dpi_croppedI just received a voice mail from someone who has read my blog and wants me to call them.  That is awesome and I tried to call you back and will have to try again tomorrow during business hours.

This started me thinking and I realized there could be others out there who are reading my blog and would like to talk to me.  It could even be some of you who are still a part of Scientology.

With that in mind, I want everyone to know that I am a complete safe-point to contact.

I would NEVER reveal your identity to anyone outside of my husband — NOBODY.  My phones are not tapped and I am not being followed or monitored by OSA (that is Scientology’s “secret service agents”).   If you contact me, for whatever reason (save harassment), you can rest assured you will never be revealed!

I know when I first started looking and reading things, I really wanted to talk to some of them and felt too scared to try.  I was “sure” I would be found out….which was probably a silly thought anyway….

Jim and I have already been contacted by a few folks who are still connected and we do not share that information.

I do not try to get someone to change their thoughts about it nor force my beliefs.  I’ll answer questions and I’ll listen.  You are a free being and as such you are free to believe in anything you want and you are free to practice any religious rituals you see fit.  I believe that is a God-given right that nobody has the right to dictate.

Every human being on this planet is on their own pathway to their truths and I respect that.

You are not alone, there are literally THOUSANDS of others, just like you, who are waking up and realizing something is very wrong inside the CoS and they are realizing that the SP declares are only being done to keep the insiders from finding out.

If you need to talk or just ask questions,

feel free to contact me by email or phone anytime.

My email is in the upper right hand corner.

My private phone is 314 – 558 – 2308 (text or call)

All My Best,



Happy Birthday Jeremy


Wow it’s really hard to imagine my baby boy is 22 years old!  I wonder if you feel old?  Funny, when you are actually so young compared to a long life.

I hope your birthday will be fun this year.  I can at least be grateful you are alive, even though it doesn’t seem like it.  No matter how I feel on a day-to-day basis, I will always love you.  Till the day I die.

Here is a birthday video for you.  I think it’s funny.

Jeremy, I think about you every day.  Sometimes I have happy thoughts but mostly I’m just sad that you are not part of my life.  These things are not easier as time goes on.  This will be the second birthday I have not been allowed to spend with you.

Here’s a Birthday gift for you.  It’s a piece of wisdom.  (Something Jeff Hawkins wrote on his blog a couple years ago:

peek(Jeff Hawkins)  I’m always fascinated by the Church of Scientology’s obsession with “external influences.” At the Int Base, any “bad attitude,” doubt or criticism was always blamed on some “eternal influence,” whether a family member, friend, news story or whatever. One had to be constantly on guard against these insidious, evil  external  influences.

In a broad, non-Scientology sense, an “external influence” would be anything outside of yourself that could influence your opinions or attitudes. Family, friends, TV programs, newspapers, internet sites, political or social groups and, yes, religious groups, could all be considered to act as “external influences” on a person.

So what the Church is really saying is “we want to be your only external influence.” “We want to be the only ones who influence your opinions or viewpoints.”

In other words, they want to isolate you.  In fact, one of the definitions of “isolate” in the American Heritage dictionary is “to render free of external influence.”


As Eric Hoffer points out in his book, The True Believer, “All active mass movements strive…to interpose a fact-proof screen between the faithful and the realities of the world. They do this by claiming that the ultimate and absolute truth is already embodied in their doctrine and that there is no truth or certitude outside it. The facts on which the true believer bases his conclusions must not be derived from his experience or observation but from holy writ…To rely on the evidence of the senses and of reason is heresy and treason.”  (Jeremy, does this sound familiar?)

Steven Hassan says in Combatting Cult Mind Control:

“Information is the fuel we use to keep our minds working properly, Deny a person the information he requires to make sound judgments, and he will be incapable of doing so. People are trapped in destructive cults because they are not only denied access to critical information but also lack the properly functioning internal mechanisms to process it.”

He adds: “Most importantly, people are told to avoid contact with ex-members or critics. Those who could provide the most information are the ones to be especially shunned.”

Two things to remember:

1. If someone is trying to isolate you from certain sources of information, they are trying to control your information.

2. Information control is mind control.


I wonder if you ever sneak out to this blog and read what I have to say.  I’d think probably not because you know that you’d be in so much trouble from Scientology!  It’s information that you are not allowed to have without it causing you “insider” trouble.  I’m sure you couldn’t confront it anyway.  I’m obviously way too much evil for Saint Scientologists, such as you and Sarah.

I miss you tremendously.

I know Scientology tells you that your family is evil because we no longer believe that Scientology is what we thought, and we had the courage and personal integrity to say what we thought.  Amazing.  You know we are not really evil (suppressive people).  Deep in my heart I know that you know we are all good and ethical people who are simply being discriminated against by a “religion”.

Through history
the most monstrous crimes on this planet
have been committed by and in the name of
(Even fake religions!)  

Do you ever cry when you miss us?  Did you need me when your dad died a few months ago?  Do you have any idea how much I needed you then?  Did it matter?  I realize it didn’t matter, because truthfully it’s ultimately all about you!

Oh my god, all this pain and sadness we’ve all been through – why?  Because it was ALL about you and what you wanted, the whole time.  How selfish.

Wow, what a new perspective!

I’m grinning now because I bet you think it is because you are “in ethics” and “in line” with Scientology and think you’re being so ethical by sticking with their command to exclude all your family from your life as if we are all dead!

I wonder how you’ll feel when you die and have the ultimate realization that it was all bullshit and you shunned us for nothing!?  You can never get this time back Jeremy, it’s just gone.

Ugh, one of the reasons I don’t write very often is because I get so pissed off.  I find myself having hateful thoughts, like hoping you have to feel the same pain of losing a child someday.  I’m sure tomorrow I’ll feel better, I hope.

Happy Birthday Jeremy.  I do love you, but the pain is sometimes overwhelming.


Love Always,
Your Mom,


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