Archive for October, 2012

Your Father’s Gone – RIP Danny Powers 9/25/2012 – Shunned for Two Years

My son, Jeremy, I’m thinking of you today.  I’m a bit upset today, so here’s fair warning.  But, since it preaches it, use your Scientology confront to confront how others feel, in real life.  Confront what “is”.

Thank goodness that for 99.5% of my time I’m happy and easy going – and don’t fall into the pits of sadness for things in the past or worry of the future……thank god.

But today marks the 2nd anniversary of you “shunning” us for Scientology (because of Sarah Coziahr).  We all miss you, but probably nobody near as much as I miss you.  You’re my child.

Your dad, before he got brain cancer

Now that your dad has past away, there is a big gap.  He passed on September 25th -11:55 pm just in case you forgot.  I wrote a big blog all about that and just walked away from it before publishing it.

Your dad took a major turn for the worse the second week of July.  Something “snapped” and he become almost completely paralyzed.  He was in the hospital and rehab for almost a month before going home for hospice.  He was doing better at home over that last month or so as far as he could at least talk a bit more, but his body was dwindling to nothing and soon he had no use of most of it.  Brain cancer is very cruel.

Heather's 18th BirthdayJust two and a half weeks before he died, Heather spent her 18th birthday in his bedroom so he could be part of it.  He wanted her to have a happy birthday so badly that he even mustered up as much energy as he could to sing her “happy birthday” and even started the song!  He was too sick to go out to dinner with her, like last year.  Oh how Heather wanted him to go out to dinner!  Last year, as I posted on here, he and his wife, Gyndee, and us all went to Mexican dinner for her birthday.  Heather said just going out as a family is the most precious to her and wanted that again this year, and he was determined to go too, but had a turn for the worse a few days before.

Me, Heather and Saber on Heather’s 18th birthday

Around 11pm the night he died I was the one who told Gyndee to call you.  Actually I originally told Heather to grab your dad’s phone and call you because we had nothing to lose anyway and your dad was literally taking his last breaths.

It’s a really good thing Gyndee reached you and you made it over.  I don’t suppose you even realized that I went to another room ONLY so that you wouldn’t have to “deal” with me……completely unselfishly.  Oh I wanted badly to see you.  I cried in that other room wishing I could hug you.  If I could have just seen your face I would have been better…..Heather said she saw you, and it made her sad and mad at the same time.

It blew me completely away that you only spent THREE minutes, if that long, with him.  Three minutes??  Really??  I suppose you didn’t know that when a person is in a coma they can still hear.

When you left, Heather, Gyndee and I went back in there and saw you had left something on his chest.  When I saw it was the leather wallet he had made in high school and given to you, it broke my heart.  None of us could figure out why you gave it back to him when he was dying anyway.  It seemed to us that you would have wanted to keep that precious piece of him.  Go Figure!

Later your granny Alta told us you said you left it because he had given it to you with much love and you wanted to give him something so he knew you loved him.

Jeremy Powers!!!  Believe me, that is not how you show love to anybody.  You show love by sharing your life with them in some way.  You talk to them. You are a part of their life.  You DO things that let them know you care.  You call them, come see them and share your life in some way!  I just don’t get your logic on that unless you were just hurting and couldn’t think….

Two and a half weeks before he passed, your papa Henry and granny Alta came to see your dad. First time they have been in the same room with each other in over 25 years. But this was important. Your Uncle William wasn’t there and neither were you

It killed me to watch him take his last breath knowing that you denied him what he wanted most.  He wanted to spend time with his children especially in those last three months of his life.  He wanted to FEEL loved by you.  I think he’d even felt comforted if you would have just called him a few times since that brief visit you had with him in the hospital in July.  He wanted to talk about the fun times you and him had.  He would have loved to have just watched a baseball game on TV with you.  God, he loved the Cardinals.  He wanted to feel cared for, by knowing you cared enough to come see him.  It’s really sad to me that you’ve been convinced he was ” just a thetan” and “dropping the body” is not a big deal.  Scientology has taught you this and it’s not true.

I’m his EX wife and even I spent every spare moment over there with him and trying to help Gyndee where I could.  Heather was there for him and even his STEP son, Travis came all the way from Arkansas with a newborn baby to see him and bid him farewell – while he was still aware.

But you?

How do you justify it?

How did Scientology help you justify it?

How are you going to cope with this when you’re older?

If your dad could have used his fingers to dial his phone, this is what he would have told you. He simply believed that if you cared, you’d been there.  Sad he had to think that.

Three weeks before he died, Gyndee said she texted you and told you he was dying and received no answer back from you.  Then when your granny Alta came, she left you several voicemail messages and texted you, and you didn’t respond.

Oh wait……yes, there was a response to the text, someone texted back that “Jeremy is on course”.   I’m betting a $1000 that you were never told about that text.  You were probably never told about the messages either.   Miss Sarah Coziahr knows for sure that you need to be kept away from your family so she can ensure she “keeps” you.  For the millionth time, I ask you would she have EVER given up her entire family for you?  I promise you she wouldn’t have.

Well, literally 12 minutes after you left he drew his very last breath.  At that moment I was in turmoil because the biggest part of me knew he had been holding on, waiting for you, and after you came he let go of the fight.  I then felt a pang of responsibility because I had been so insistent that you be called.  It felt oddly like him dying then was my fault.  I know it makes no sense, but at that moment that is how I felt.

It had a double whammy that night.  You were there, and I haven’t seen you in almost two years and respected your desires enough to stay out of your way and I lost your dad.  It still amazes me that he never talked about dying the entire time he battled this brain cancer.  If you asked him how he was doing he’d always say, “doing fine”.

The night before he died him, Gyndee, Heather and I all ate Chuck-A-Burgers.  He had chili cheese fries with his and I’m telling you he loved them!  I remember he ate like a pig (as usual, with the steroids).  After he ate and smoked, he put his bed back and was looking sort of funny, like his eyes were weirdly rolling back – so Gyndee said, “honey, are you okay?” and waited a second then asked, “do you have a headache?” —- his delayed communication had started being about 20 secs —- so he answered her, he said “No”.  She said, good.  He said, “what’s good about that?” and she said, “well, it’s good you don’t have a headache!”, then he said “I thought I was answering your first question”.  Jeremy, those were the last words I heard him say.   He fell asleep and soon I left for the night.

But the next day while he was in a coma and still a bit of uncontrolled twitches etc were happening, he would respond to Heather by moving his head when she asked him to.  She let him know she loved him and asked if he heard her.  He let her know he had heard her.  By the day after that, he was completely unresponsive and passed from this life to the next.

Your dad’s memorial table. It was filled with things he held most precious. Over to the far left, in a frame, is a father’s day “card” you wrote for him in 2001.

This is the father’s day “card” you made for your dad in 2001 – Please read this. He didn’t even hear from you this year!

Table of pictures from various parts of Danny’s life – there was also looping photos playing on the wall, of him and you kids and on into his and Gyndee’s life together

Your dad said he didn’t want a “funeral” when he passed because he didn’t want to bring sadness to anyone, but instead he wanted a party. So this was his cake.

Your half brother, Travis, when he came to see your dad in August

Your brother, Travis, came all the way from Arkansas to the funeral.  He even got up and spoke at the memorial and it was precious.   It completely broke my heart that Heather & Travis were the ONLY relatives that were at your dad’s funeral.  To think for a single minute that you didn’t come to your own father’s funeral because Jim, Nanny, Heather and I were there is completely beyond my comprehension!!    

If I ever had a doubt, I have absolutely no doubt now, that if I died you would not attend my funeral or memorial either.  That is messed up Jeremy.  Can you honestly think with that?  Honestly?  It’s completely mind control, because I can’t believe that you wanted your dad’s funeral to be completely empty of his family!!!  You know his mom couldn’t come for some reason, his dad couldn’t make it for another reason and his own brother didn’t come.  One freaking sad day for more reasons than one.  (They had a private family memorial for him back in Oklahoma a couple weeks later).

I have a pendant for you and a copy of his death certificate.  The pendant is a cremains pendant with part of his ashes and his name and date of death etched on the pendant.  I’m saving it for you in case you ever come to your senses.

Things were not suppose to turn out the way they did.  Who would have ever known.

Granny Alta Powers

Your Granny Alta told me all about your long visit with her when she came the day after your dad died.  Seems you’re clinging to her as she is apparently the only family left that Scientology and your “Sarah” allow you to speak to… talked to her all about you whole life.  She told me all about it.  Even the lies you told her about how your dad wouldn’t let you move back to his house and we didn’t have room for you.  Don’t ever forget for one moment that I will ever forget the truth of that one.  You didn’t want to move back to your dad’s from John and Sharon’s only and completely ONLY because you didn’t want to follow the simple and easy rules of the house.  You told John and Sharon lies about that too, so they hated your dad.  Sad.  So sad.  Your nanny would have helped you too, Jeremy.  But you led your granny Alta to believe that you had nowhere to turn but to Sarah, and that included Scientology.  Well, I’m completely sure you have to believe those lies so you don’t go insane.

But what I wanted to say, actually, is that you also asked granny Alta if she had any childhood pics of you.  You told her you had none at all.  Again, my mind is blown.  What are you afraid of?  What makes you believe you are not allowed to look at me or speak to me?  What policies are you operating on?  Please define your Miscavige policy here…..even his policy doesn’t say you can’t ever look at an SP…….oh god, do not get me going!  Never mind.

When I heard you wanted pictures, I told her to tell you I would publish them on this blog and you could get them off here.  But you know, I will not do that.  If you’re going to pretend I’m a NOBODY then you’ll have to pay the full price of that decision.  Your baby pictures, baby book and all your childhood videos are right here with me.  I’ll share them with you anytime you ask me.  But you’ll have to ask me.  My phone number is 314-558-2308.

When granny Alta asked you if there was any message you wanted to give Heather and I, she said you said “give them a hug and tell them that I love them”.  Too bad I was so numb, Jeremy.  It just felt like a slap in the face.  Probably like giving that wallet back to your dad showed you loved him!

So, yes, this two year anniversary of you walking out of my life is double sad.

I have not written to you in so long because I had been spending most of my spare time with your dad over the last few months.  But seriously, after I spent so much love, time and money on yours & Sarah’s Christmas last year and your 21st birthday last February and all I got back for it was a freaking message from your dad telling me that you said if he relayed another gift or message to you from me that you would stop talking to him too —- it broke my heart!!   I completely stopped communicating because I didn’t want you to stop talking to him as it was SO important to him to see you and talk to you.  Jeremy how cruel are Scientologists, really?  Is this really “okay” with Scientology?  How much “better than others” are you really thinking you all are to treat mankind the way you all do?  Seriously?

As your mother I will always love you and I will always be here for you.

Your Mother

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