If Maybe, I Might have …

… “come to my senses, and recanted my evil acts” for having left and withdrawing my support from the Church of Scientology – I can promise one thing now.  The chance of anything remotely like that happening was sealed in stone when Jeremy was given the ultimatum to disconnect from us or be outcast by this so-called church!

Whereas I might have had time to destimulate and think a few things through – in time – and perhaps might have come to other conclusions, had these things not happened to our family and had Jeremy not left us for dead at the coaxing of his girlfriend and “church”.  I can tell you there is no chance in hell of that ever being the case now.  This has just completely proven that we were RIGHT.

I can tell you that each day that passes where Jeremy is not allowed to be part of my life – I feel more and more vindictive toward the CoS.  I suppose the right thing to do is shrug my shoulders, buck up and say, “shit happens”.  Nope, not me.  Today I’m mad about the whole thing.  Today I miss Jeremy and want to see him….thinking about how I will miss having my grandchildren around me as I grow old.  Today I’m not shutting up!

LOL, yep, the reason we concluded that we had to stop supporting such an organization is exactly depicted in what is happening TO us.  Wish I could say we are a minority in this incredible violation of human rights.  Sad to say that there are literally THOUSANDS who are experiencing the same thing – some worse than others!  Incredibly ironic as it is, as a result of the lies that were said about me in the “official” document and that my son did what he did (because the “church” said he must), I have now researched even more stories of other’s experiences.  I have further researched the entire history of this so-called “church” that I was a faithful member of for over 22 years – and I have fully come to terms with what I now see as truth.

It’s so easy to see that it was a “cult”, per the real definition of such.  Not “occult”, that is entirely different, but absolutely a “cult” and I now have to admit, it’s a dangerous one.  It’s dangerous because at some point you find yourself not thinking for yourself anymore.  You’re told what is happening and you’re told what you should think about it and you end up falling into just believing the churches official “story” on everything without any doubt.

You certainly can’t get away with doing your own research and coming to your own conclusions, if they are different.  As a member, just try doing that and saying something about your feelings or findings to someone else in there.  Try it.  See what happens.  It’s dangerous because if you ever find that you can’t agree with it anymore you’re forced to keep your silence or risk any family/friends you have on the “inside” leaving you for “dead”!  No shit!  Because those who are members are actually manipulated with covert fear tactics.  Fear of losing their “good standing”, fear of losing their eternity, fear of Scientology ethics and justice. (Ha, what a joke!)

There will be some who read this who will think I’ve flipped my wig.  Well, I’m the same person I’ve always been.  I have just been armed with the FULL story of Dianetics and Scientology and it does NOT add up.  It really doesn’t add up.  I actually feel like I have “egg on my face” on this one.  There is no way anyone doing the exact same research that I have been doing for quite a few months now, could not come away with the same conclusion.  It’s indeed a dangerous cult hiding behind “help”!

Incredible how the published story about how “suppressive” we are was so full of twisted “facts”, made up “facts” and completely left out time just so that none of our friends of 20+ years would have a single thing to do with us.

But even more incredible is the fact that it’s happening to each and every person who opens their eyes and sees what is happening inside this organization and chooses to say something about it.

I’m completely sure that the only reason Jeremy hasn’t tried to talk to me is because someone is telling him further lies about me!   It’s called “third party” and it’s not suppose to happen – ha! right! except if the organization is doing it.  My Jeremy has not enough knowledge of the subject to realize it’s happening to him.

Publicly speaking out against the corruption and human rights violations is wrong only if you’re speaking out against the Church of Scientology!  THAT is the crime the church “charged” me with – thereby labeling me as a “suppressive person” – thereby the situation where Jeremy had to dis-associate with me.  (By the way, I had not done such a thing at the time I was accused – but bet your ass I am doing it now!)    I’ve come to fully realize that declaring people suppressive is just a control mechanism used against members.

I’m speaking out because others who get involved need to understand that they too could lose those they love – to the organization – down the road.  Believe me, this is the biggest danger with getting involved with this “church”.  I have “friends” who would be completely afraid to talk to me.  Afraid of what?  Afraid that they would be labelled suppressive and be kicked out and have their family disassociate with them too!  Can you spell F E A R?

Sickening but true is the fact that Jeremy would tell anyone who asked him that he wasn’t “forced” to disconnect.  He’d say he did it on his own with his own integrity….. I promise he would tell you that the church did not force him to disconnect.   Pull that string!  Ask him why he is disconnecting from the mom he loved so much?  Ask him then, why he felt he needed to disconnect from a mother whom he had never even had bad words with his entire life.  Ask him why he told his mom that he believes that the church is wrong with this declare.   Ask him why he asked his mom to fight for what is right and not give up?  Go ask him what purpose he has in disconnecting and how it helps him to not feel suppressed.  Ask him to tell you how his mom, grandma or sister suppressed him to the point that he needed to disconnect?  Oh, his integrity.  I forgot.  He’ll tell you how we suppressed him!  Right!  Try it!  Ask.

Ask him how suppressive it feels to have people hold the threat of loss over his head should he decide he misses me and talks to me!  How suppressive does that

 feel? Wrap your mind around this insanity if you will.

Well, whereas I certainly would have quietly walked away and went about my own merry way and let Jeremy have his belief and own experience in the CoS – had they not ef’d with my family.  Ironic isn’t it?

P.S. For any of my new friends reading or following my blog feel that background data is missing – please read the page entitled “Why This Blog” as it will fill you in and give you the link to the entire story.  Thank you, my friends, for travelling this road with me.  I know I’m quiet most the time.  I try to stay very very busy so that thoughts of this don’t hang around too long.  I love all my friends, even if I don’t talk a lot.

9 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Marta on July 13, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Oh, Meshell, this post is so heartfelt and so F’n kick ass at the same time. I am so with you: cult, dangerous cult, to put it mildly. I won’t even use the lingo anymore, it tastes bad on my tongue right now, it excludes people who aren’t on the inside of the inside scoop. Pisses me off, grrr. And some days I really do NOT want to hear ” that wasn’t the original intention”‘ yeah well the saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions has been around for a LONG time for a reason.

    Give ’em hell, Meshell. Bring it!


  2. Posted by Lori on July 14, 2011 at 12:06 am

    Hi Meshell, I can definitely relate as I have a Jeremy that just turned 18 and has disconnected from me. I haven’t seen him in 5 months. I also have those times when I’m so very sad and cry and then those times like right now when I’m really pissed.
    My son says the same thing that it is his choice to not see me and we both know that is complete BS!!!!! I’m not going to be quiet either.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


    • Hey Lori, I know how you feel. OMG, October will be a year for me. I only wish my Jeremy and I would have had more than an hour to discuss the fact that he would freaking never see or talk to me again. See, sometimes I’m really pissed too! If only I had a crystal ball.


      • Posted by Lori on July 16, 2011 at 9:14 am

        Meshell, your Jeremy and mine will be back the day they see their Church has turned into one of the most UNETHICAL GROUPS there is. Hopefully they see that real soon!!!! We both just need to stay strong and keep sending our LOVE!!!!

  3. Meshell you are an amazing mom, never lose hope!


  4. Posted by Sam on July 14, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Keep fighting Meshell! Fight hard and win!


  5. Thank you my friends! I will never give up and shrug off my own son! I promise.


  6. Posted by Drew on July 23, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    I just finished reading through all the posts on this blog, Meshell! Truly sad! Keep fighting, and you and your family will be in my prayers!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: